Lighten up

So my blogger pal Renee finds appropriate song titles for her headlines. ( I like "My humps, my humps, my lovely lady bumps, check them out") I am going with wig names from the Raquel Welch collection. Late yesterday I got an e-mail from WigSalon that "Elusive" is no longer available. They suggest "Lighten Up" as a replacement. So much for that issue being settled.

Is this a joke? Elusive remains elusive, you should chill or 'lighten up'? Who is sending me this message?

Lighten up indeed. Yesterday I had the energy to be out and about and even get a run in once the road people came by with one pass with the salt truck giving me a 4 foot path in the middle of the street flanked by glare ice on each side. (This worked out fine until those pesky cars would want that space for themselves-selfish bastards) I found some real fruit gelees from France that are almost as good as the ones Jan bought in Paris. Definitely better than the Italian ones I got this summer. One of our other stops included the bookstore where I read more cancer survival stories. Afterwards Steve and I discussed some of my findings.

I'm not the only one who hates to hear "things will be fine". Lots of other 'survivors' hate it too.

They are saying it to make you feel better (he has said it alot to me too).

I know that but it still pisses me off.

What should they say?

I hope you will be fine.

Well that doesn't sound too positive, it sounds like they think there's a possibility that things won't be fine.

Well that would be the truth. That I am terrified that things might not be fine-a 30 % chance they won't be. That I have a right to feel scared even though someone just told me things will be fine and I can't quite believe them.

(sigh)

Lighten up indeed. Yeah, it is not easy living with a crabby cancer patient-I've got to work on that. But here is when the irony comes in (again). Flash forward to 8 hours later to the breast cancer support group. One of the group is going to start her chemo next Tuesday (when I start round 2) and she is downright terrified, way more than me. Complicating matters is that English is not her first language and she's been trying to read up on things but doesn't really understand some of the wording. The chemobrain study people had been talking to her and she was left with the impression that her mind would be erased clear away by the chemo and she can't have that happen. She is so upset, I just want to somehow comfort her, so what were the first words out of my stupid mouth? You've got it. Things will be fine. I did say that even though I've only had the poisons coursing (or is it cursing) through my veins 8 days, I didn't feel so bad and I was even able to run. That far as chemobrain goes, they took newly diagnosed patients comparing them to those blissful no cancer (that they know of) controls and the newly diagnosed people did much worse in recall and concentration tasks way before they had chemo. They weren't any worse during the chemo. Just the awful discovery of your cancer might be enough to screw things up.

Earlier Brenda stopped by and shared with me how one of her grandchildren apparently is tired of sharing the limelight with her now 2 other sibs and demanded, very loudly, that she get the attention now and carried on and on about it while the other sibs went about their business being their loveable selves. It was also one of the other's birthdays so she wanted presents too. Brenda doesn't give in to that. I said something about it is too bad she can't realize that a better strategy would be to act more loveable instead of screaming on the top of your lungs-"you like her better-like me, like me." A hard thing for a 6 year old to grasp or even a 50ish crabby cancer patient. Of course Brenda loves all her grandchildren even when sometimes it is hard to like their behavior on a given day.

So for the support group-5 patients and 2 social workers. It was interesting. I can't say too much as per support group rules but I did learn a few things. One was that my cancer club membership includes free massages and yoga sessions. If my wig experience (*&!%) doesn't work out, patient services will give me a temporary one. I did share my wig experience-I had read the 'lighten up" e-mail right before coming there. Only one person ever lost her hair and she had a great experience with FC. One member had her small estrogen positive tumor removed 3 years ago followed by radiation. I wanted to say, so you need support because.....but that wouldn't be fair. As said before, I showed up once to a newborn loss and miscarriage support group with my miscarriage while everyone else had a newborn loss and I am sure they were wondering what I was doing there.
So this blogger thing went off-line in the middle of a posting erasing half of what I wrote this morning. Damn.
Naomi had a half-day of school (despite the ice storm) yesterday so she and the b-ball team went to IHOP for most of the afternoon. She does like the team. For away games, Coach Steve wants them to dress up nicely so they'll look good while the younger teams play. Naomi chose to teeter around in Shanna's discarded spiky boots. She was benched due to her grades last week. Presumably she is good to go for next week. They didn't need her winning by 40 points. She didn't get home until 10:30.The Lady Rats will steam roll over the conference teams-it's the out of conference ones that will be challenging. DCC in the number one team in the state and they want to beat them. Salem was number 8.
We will have our mom's group X-mas party. Yay! Got rid of the brown monster today donating it to charity instead of trying to market it on Craig's list. Yay! Filled out even more forms concerning my identity theft. Decided to go for the Lighten Up wig as time is running out. My hair might be gone by this time next week. I do feel less nausea. The inside of my mouth feels like I've burnt it though. I was able to run again though it is still icy. The ice free path is wider now.