Saturday, December 20, 2008

Hair fall

Yesterday was a bad day. I felt weak and crappy most of the day. I did call the wig place. My wig was mailed out on the 17th, not the 12th as they previously said. Meanwhile the hair kept falling. I still had plenty to cover my head but everytime I would try to arrange it to look a little better, more would fall out. I finally tucked it under a cap that the Fiberguild ladies had donated and went off to Fran's tea in the deep snow. She had heard through the grapevine that I might have cancer but then she sees me running. Turns out another mom that generally comes to this was getting her first chemo that day for breast cancer. I don't know her well. She had once given Josh a ride somewhere and he was puzzled by some strange object attached to her dash. "Oh, that's to break the windows in case the car goes underwater."  Before she moved to the neighborhood, about 20 years ago 3 teenage girls from our neighborhood ended up in a retention pond trapped in a Taurus. Only one of them, the high school chem teacher's daughter, managed to claw her way out. The dead girls had babysat for some of my girlscouts so lots of sadness. But I will send that lady a note as it sounds like we are facing the same monster.
So surprise everyone, I have breast cancer thus the silly hat. Of course numerous stories of friends and relatives who had it and beat it come up. People were very supportive and lots of offer of 'help' if I ever need anything. It was OK. Lots of amusing gossip to keep us going and tasty treats. I kept nibbling on white bread tea sandwiches, which in the past I would have left alone but they were comforting. All of them know Josh, a 'wonderful' man, who turned out just fine despite his strange mom so maybe I did something right. Another lady there has been battling late stage ovarian cancer for 2 years gave me her insights. She has had a much bigger battle than I probably will have and still finds joy.
Fran lives on a boulevard, which the city cleared but piled up everything in the turn arounds so I got stuck for awhile. No gas in the car either. Most people were dropped off by their husbands. But Steve was tired from all the shoveling so I didn't ask him. Naomi wanted to drive all over the place with her inexperienced driver friends. I tried to limit them to a mile but I bet that was violated. Her friends seem to have no limits. If the storm in the east stops, Shanna's family will begin the long drive here today.
When I returned, I cut off long wads of hair leaving just an inch or two left. It of course looks crappy but noone is going to see it so don't even ask. It is just too hard on me.


deborah d. lattimore said...

sue, i love your blog. thank you for your writing and insights.

have you seen this book, called "Turning Heads":

it helped me so much when i was crying my head off about losing my hair.

i'm going to have my head shaved at an old-fashioned barber shop right before i start chemo. i think i'm going to go alone and take photos while it happens. i don't want my best friend to shave it because it will be too emotional. i cut my long hair very short right before my mastectomy, but it's still going to be hard to get shaved. i don't want to look in the mirror and be reminded of this. it's just one more damn thing i have to give up to cancerland. i'm resentful. i don't plan to wear a wig. maybe i will love my bald head like the women in "Turning Heads"! maybe you will too? xoxo

Holly said...

sue - i found your blog thru deborah lattimore's...i am a triple neg breast cancer survivor. i am 18 mos post-treatment. i would be glad to sahre my story or provide support to you any way i can. i found a lot of comfort in there is s discussion board just fro triple negs. i didn't like the TNBC site as much.

i never wore a wig or scarf or hat. i felt strong going'commando' and the people in the line at the supermarket always let me go first! there are some plusses!!


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