Wednesday, October 3, 2012


I didn't dream of being swallowed by a dinosaur

More like my dreams: fragments of myself

I don't have dreams of falling
Night time is hard for me: rarely do I sleep through the night. Sometimes I wake up disturbed by a dream.

So I haven't had a date for a while but finally an opportunity presents itself. I have all the particulars of my dream date written on a piece of paper; where I am to go and call and even the name. But when the appointed time comes, this paper goes missing. I search frantically for it. The only detail I had remembered was the time. Fat lot of good that was! I wake up mad at myself.

Rarely am I a married woman with kids much less one with grandkids. I am usually college aged. Occasionally I am pregnant but it is never a normal pregnancy. Usually the babies are conceived without my knowledge. In one, I give birth to kittens. Most of the time I am forgetting to go to classes and dealing with the consequences. I see tornadoes in my dreams and menacing armed men. The overall theme to most dreams is being frantic.

I read a lot in the middle of the night. There is a big pile of books next to Josh's bed where I go to so not to disturb Steve. Naomi's room has the big, comfortable bed with the light that broadcast  colorful planets onto the walls. This was bought to amuse the boys who stay there on their overnights. Shanna's old bedroom has been converted to a den lined with bookcases, the computer and artwork. It is where I am on the computer now. Steve uses the dining room for his office. If we are to get a new house, it needs two offices.

I also fret in the middle of the night. That is the worst. I try to stop it but the mind goes to dark places. I don't worry about cancer as much any more except when I touch that hard lump that remains: did it get bigger? Biggest worry: the kids, one especially.

1 comment:

Holly said...

I, too, wish I could have peaceful nights and learn how to worry less.


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