Tuesday, November 20, 2012

What if? what if? What if?

This cycled through my brain for the past few days but particularly last night. In the affected breast is a hard round mass approximately the size of a cue ball or maybe just a little bit smaller. Is is getting bigger? Could something be hiding underneath it? Are these shooting pains in my chest and ribs 'something' other than random misfirings of radiation damaged nerves?

On the mammogram today, this mass took up a good quarter of what remains of my breast. But compared to last year's scan, it pretty much looks the same though it took a few painful (and costly since my insurance doesn't cover diagnostic scans until a high level is reached) to get the correct angle in which the two scans could be directly compared. I have a giant seroma that still has not shrunk. Harmless but by film, looks like something scary (by ultrasound, it looks harmless).

Good news. I have now graduated to a screening mammogram (paid for) versus the diagnostic one.

I took the earliest appointment possible so I wouldn't have to deal with 'back-ups'. I had an appointment later with my oncologist. I look healthy. No signs of anything worrisome. Good.

The mammogram looks for only regional recurrences; it is up to me to report indications of distal recurrences. The chances of either are becoming much, much smaller though I am still vulnerable to new primaries.

I later received a flu shot in the infusion area. Bad memories there. I found a former colleague there translating for her father, the patient.

The night before I left for CA, there was a loud knock on the door. As I was alone, I was a bit scared but it turns out the book on Triple Negative cancer that I helped edit was sent to me. Within, this blog was mentioned. Maybe the incensed reader who made a very negative comment about this blog 2 weeks ago got on from that book. In which case, I am sorry that this entire blog isn't about cancer. Read the first year when I first was dealing with it instead of this once a year scare.

Surviving Triple-Negative  Breast Cancer: Hope, Treatment, and Recovery
by Patricia Prijatel
Anyone who is first diagnosed with TNBC should read this. Pat is a journalism professor and former TNBC patient. Although she does not have a scientific background, she carefully reviews all the current literature concerning TNBC. Her blog is Positives about Negatives, the title chosen to defuse the extreme negative tone that the popular press and even the medical literature take with their dismal, poor prognosis, deadly, difficult to treat descriptions of this disease which unnecessarily scare the newly diagnosed.


Teri Bernstein said...

Sigh. What a tough ritual...

Holly said...

I 'hear' you sister! And, I "heart" you too!!


Blog Archive