Sunday, August 16, 2009

Where am I?

My life has changed so much in the last 3 years that I am not the same person. During this time, I've seen 2 of my children married, became a grandmother, lost my job (as did my husband), lost my mother, broke my arm, travelled to England and Italy, and had (HAD I hope, I hope) cancer.

I read many blogs. So many have gone down similar roads to that of myself but at some point, some of their roads have gone to a place that I am so afraid of: metastatis. One of the blogs I have read is that of a woman who calls herself Pinehouse (http://pinehouse.wordpress.com/)

She died last week. She first had BC back in 1996 but it recurred several times. She developed lung mets 3 years ago. In her last 4 months, she had to decide which mets to fight the most: the brain or the lung. Talk about picking her poison. Ultimately she decided to go into hospice where she lasted 2 weeks.

Life goes on now at a much lazier pace but I am not bored or depressed. I do worry about my children, particularly Naomi as she faces many challenges and I feel I haven't equipped her properly to handle them. Unfinished business.

At some point soon, we will have to start collecting a pension. We've been delaying it as much as possible because there are really severe penalities for collecting it so early. Another annoying choice is deciding on survivor benefits. Normally the survivor gets 50% of the other but you could opt for the survivor to get 75% but with less money coming in now. If I knew I wouldn't survive beyond a few years, it would make sense now to opt for the 75% but to Steve, it denotes a lack of faith. To me, it means being practical. But since it is his call, I guess I will be optimistic and go for the default amount.

So now August has shown its typical self: hot and dry. I did have a nice run early yesterday before the heat was too oppressive. Today will be a Y day. I don't have to jump out of bed at the crack of dawn to beat the heat so that's a benefit. Steve and I went to the botanical gardens, beautiful though he isn't too interested in flowers and hates the sun. They had a bromeliad sale: strange plants that gather nutrients from the air-the most well known type is the pineapple. But I bought a specimen that is related to spanish moss. It is airy and has 2 pink blossoms with purple spots on them. I hung it in the shade of my fence and only need to dampen it occasionally and bring it in before the frost. A friend came over last night to take a walk but the heat never went away. We had fun playing on the computer instead and watched "Hung".

2 comments:

Sara Williams said...

There is nothing certain in life. I am 42 years old with two young sons one of whom has special needs. I need to stay around for them to make sure they grow up. I could worry about mets but whats the point? You could get hit by a car tomorrow and all the worry has been for nothing. My beautiful big brother showed me that when he died aged 25.

Jesus tells us to let tomorrow take care of itself or something like that and I think its a good peice of advice. One thing BC has taught me is that life goes on with or without me worrying. I choose now not to worry but to take each day as it presents itself.

Each day is a blessing xxxxx

Daria said...

You have had three busy years ... sounds like you are living life to the fullest.

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