Friday, February 18, 2011

Dividing day

Josh and Shanna from the same year. They do look quite a bit alike here

Naomi when she was about the same age as Maya is now. She did have a lot more hair than Maya does at the same age. Although Naomi has a similar build to the other two, she really does not look like her siblings who are much older. People used to ask if they had the same father but it is the older two that look the most like Steve, especially Shanna
Some refer to the day that everything seemed to change as the dividing day. Generally the division is between the happy and the sad. When I had a miscarriage in 1989, I kept thinking that the days before that were happy and the ones after were sad. But that really was not true as there was plenty of unhappiness before that: Steve's dad was dying and Shanna had to be hospitalized in the months before.

Another dividing day was when our employer got us all together to say that they were pulling out of Ann Arbor. We were sucker punched as it appeared that a lot of new investment was made in our city. But most people felt that the rug was being pulled from under them. In the past, it was very easy to get a job in our field but we all suddenly saw the writing on the wall. Although we did not plan to retire so early, we at least had a generous severance package and we live very frugally so we could survive. And indeed, jobs did pop up, just that they paid only a fraction of what we used to earn. In the months ahead, people worried aloud what will become of them and their families. You could feel their fear. Many are living in reduced circumstances now and the ones that were kept were eventually let go or live in fear that their turn is next. On the list of bad things that have happened, this will be way down on the list but it was a huge change for us.There was some good that came out: I would not have spent half the summer in Italy if it weren't for the 're-training' allowance and it would have been very difficult to work while doing chemo though I know many of my readers didn't have that luxury. Also, work was becoming less and less fun due to the new ownership. Our stress levels, especially Steve's, went way down once we didn't have to deal with numerous useless initiatives.

The day one discovers that one has cancer is a dividing day if there ever was one. It is the end of innocence. Yes I always knew I would die but I never thought I would have to face my mortality so early. As time goes on, I am much less pessimistic about my chances though.

Mom's group here tonight. For years I have had my biological grandma's porcelain dishes and fancy glasses. Recently I received her silverware and linens too. When am I ever going to use them? Answer: tonight.

1 comment:

rama said...

My sister in law recently died of cancer, she came to know about it only when it had reached the last stage. She had certain warning signals, and my other sil who is a doctor advised her many years ago to remove her uterus, but this sil kept on postponing saying it is okay, until one fine day it became worse so suddenly, and tests revealed that she was suffering from cancer of the ovaries, that too it has reached the advanced stage, and there was no treatment, and that she can die anytime.
However with the usual treatment she continued to live for 3 and half and years and passed away in a hospice quite peacefully last year.
Sometimes the good days come to us giving us the choice to take action, but then we ignore them and choose differently, we make way for our own bad days.
This has nothing to do with you, I am just sharing an example with you.
It doesn't have to be so bad , you can still look at all the happy things that have happened in your life and all the happiness that you are having now to keep you in a positive frame of mind always. Don't lose the faith and always be happy. My prayers are with you, and I send you Reiki energy.


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