Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Tale of the non-identical Boobsy Twins

The Boobsy Twins, Lefty and Righty, were always thought to be identical. True Lefty was always a little bit bigger but basically they looked the same. Righty, however, had a little something that Lefty did not: errant DNA. What is this errant DNA, you might ask? Well it is a mystery to exactly what it is as no special tests have been performed to specifically characterize it but suffice it to say, it gave Righty the ability to outgrow Lefty and to make clones of herself in places where she does not belong. It was decided that Righty's plan to colonize the host had to be stopped even if it wasn't clear that is what she really intended to do. There was even some talk of completely eliminating Righty all together leaving Lefty as an only child. Of course the benign Lefty could be eliminated too just in case she had plans to follow Righty's evil course; the host could never be sure of Lefty's plans either. The host of Righty and Lefty asked herself repeatedly what did she do to deserve this betrayal, did she feed Righty too much estrogen? One of the very few things known about Righty was that she didn't like estrogen nor did she need it to colonize. A decision was made to cripple Righty and remove this bit of errant DNA. This was not an easy task: it involved cutting open the host twice, poisoning the host for 16 weeks, and then bombarding Righty 16 times with powerful radiation. The host is barely recognizable: a pale puffy, bald, lashless blob. No one now would ever suspect that the Boobsy Twins are identical. Lefty remains pale pink and completely symmetrical; Righty however, is a shrivelled brown shadow of herself with a deep gouge to her outer quadrant covered with bizarre freckles. Lest she let her host forget her existence, she still has the ability to cause pain if disturbed. It is not clear if Righty has learned her lesson not to out grow her sister and colonize the host or even if Lefty really possesses her evil twin's intentions too. Only time will tell.

I will leave for NY and then Boston later today. My internet access may be spotty especially in the next few days.


imBeth said...

great story, thanks! I'm sure both righty and lefty have learned their lessons and will be well behaved for the tired, beat-up host... have a great trip.

Alli said...

I read this and wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.Great story.



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