Saturday, April 25, 2009

Petty pity party

There are no lashes at all on my right eye and just a few on my left. They will probably be gone soon too. I know in the scheme of things, this shouldn't matter but it really makes me sad to look so weird. I wanted to call the moms up last night and tell them not to come over. I just want to hide. In 6 days, I am to go to a wedding and I have no idea how to look presentable between my bloated mid-section and my fish eyes (no lashes on them either). So what makes them fall out now-47 days after the last poisoning? I suppose each hair follicule has a resting phase lasting a few months. When I had only a few extra nasty hairs, it sometimes took months before I'd see that particular hair again. (Later, of course they had plenty of replacements and plucking became a daily activity instead of a once a month clean-up; this is one of the few benefits of chemo not having to do this). I had read that for head hair, at any given time, one third of the hair follicules are in resting phase but with mild hyperthyroidism, no resting phase and you end up with thicker hair, which indeed was the case. With severe hyperthyroidism, the hair breaks off easily. Seems like the eyelash resting phases are all in sync. I have no leg, armpit or pubes either. My head hair, at most is 5 mm long and completely transparent. At this rate in 4 months, I'll have an inch of barely visible hair. I am one sad mutant.

I know-very petty. I should be thankful that I was spared the semi-permanent nerve damage very common with Taxol resulting in numb fingers and toes that can last for a year.

As for the moms group, the weather co-operated and we were able to sit on the patio. My geraniums are in bloom that I brought outside so we had some color along with my color changing solar lights and my string of stars. I was very tired trying to repair the 6 months of neglect and couldn't muster enough energy to cook so I had Steve pick up something. I am now able to drink wine though I am limiting how much I drink even though so far there is no link to TNBC. It is linked to estrogen positive breast cancer though. Presumably, after one drink and if one is on replacement hormones, the blood level of estrogens spikes threefold due to alcohol slowing down the clearance of estrogen by the liver. This is all in Susan Love's book. Somehow taking folic acid ameliorates this effect. I am now taking vitamins.

I will go for a run now and hope it will put me in a better mood.


S. F. Heron said...

Sue, my doc told me the eyelashes and brows are the last to go because they replenish the slowest. Go heavy on the eye liner below your lower lash line and use liquid (best kind is Cover Girl Line Exact) on the lid above the upper lash line. It's really easy to line closely with no lashes in the way.

Put your eyeshadow on before lining - dark in the crease, medium on the lid and lightest shade on the brow bone. Brings out your eyes. A great trick for drawing in your eyebrows in the arch your eyes and press your finger against the skin above your brow. Helps you get a perfect arch. The best eyebrow pencils are Maybelline - it's a red pencil that you sharpen. Go with blond. Works like a charm.

I lost most of my lashes about 2 weeks before Easter and they are about halfway back and thick right now. The hair growth does speed up as you move away from the chemo. I know it sucks though :(

Be patient. And you know what? You will be beautiful at the wedding. You made it - you did it! Be proud of that. Remember to use all your good stuff from Look Good, Feel Better.

Daria said...

Sue, I have a wedding to go to this summer and I'm feeling sad too. Gained too much weight, no hair ... looking so pale ...

I know it is difficult but hopefully people will understand ... glad to hear things are getting back to normal.

Marthaller Connection said...

the end of treatment was the toughest time for me. just like you, i was bald, hairless, etc. i admire your strength and ability to run---takes initiative and determination to exercise during treatment. before you know it, you will have eyebrows and eyelashes.
take care,

krisa said...

i guess i have two accounts. :)kris


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