Thursday, January 21, 2010

Just desserts

One likes to think of the world as a fair place, that awful things only happen to people that deserve them. The woman who walked into my cancer group last week a few years back had experienced a heart-breaking tragedy. Surely she wouldn't have to deal with cancer too but that's not how things work. Of course people search far and wide to explain otherwise unexplainable events. My favorite explanation is Pat Robertson's reasoning for why Haiti was hit with an earthquake where it could do the most damage. No he didn't blame global warming, he said it was due to the Haitians having made a deal with the devil to gain independence from France 180 years ago.(Did the Americans make such a deal to break away from England?)God is mad and now it's time for their comeuppance. But the Devil isn't happy with Pat. See below:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan


Just thought I'd share that.

My cousin was scheduled yesterday to see the ultrasound of her first grandchild who is due about 4 weeks before mine. When she told me about this a few weeks ago, I was blissfully ignorant that we would be sharing the same experience around the same time. I called yesterday to see how it went. It had been rescheduled.

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