Dysthymia

I emerged from my fortress of solitude yesterday to attend an ex-colleague get together. The occasion was to welcome back a colleague that had been transferred to the hinterlands but then was SOL when our company shut down that site too. He hopes to find a job here. A whole paradigm shift..we used to have such full dance cards. Good thing that I am out of this rat race. Another colleague who recently returned from the same shuttered site was there too. I had not known her but her boss had been the same boss that Ramy and Shanna had that was affectionately known as Dr. Evil. It turns out that she is a survivor of BC, that I will refer to as triple positive.She was diagnosed before Herceptin was offered to 'early' BC patients testing positive for the Her2 receptor that makes their BC much more aggressive. She credits her survival to having a 'good attitude'. Hmmm. I didn't want to argue with her in front of everyone or at all but I felt disloyal keeping quiet to all of those who have died despite having unbelievably good attitudes. I am not against having a good attitude, who wants to be around a gloomy Gus? If you, yourself, have a good attitude, I suppose life is much more pleasant. I certainly try to have a good attitude, not only for my sake but for those around me. But the responsibility to always be so cheerful even as things crumble around you can be so isolating. If you dare complain, the good attitude police are on your case. Have a good attitude or you will die or at least deserve to die. But if this woman wants to believe that she willed herself to live, she can. But if it comes back....

Dysthymia..another good name for a girl if you don't look too closely to the meaning. Still would be a better name than Dolores or Rue. There was an article today in the science section of the WSJ on it. Long days of gray instead of the black days of depression. It is much harder to spot than depression and thus undertreated.
I have lived within various shades of gray, including the darker shades on and off. If a good attitude can cure cancer, certainly it would go a long way against dysthymia one would think.

I awoke from a terrifying dream. I was afraid to go back to sleep or I would find myself back in the same situation. I ended up reading for a few hours.

It was cool thankfully for at least a little bit this morning before the blistering sun found me as I ran. Today's agenda, get the hair fixed before my stylist goes into labor and maybe knock off some of the items in the long list of wedding to-dos.