Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The visit

Wide-eyed Daniel

Dakota checking out Daniel

Dakota checking out Spud. Spud is 14.25 years old
Oliver spent the majority of his visit yesterday taking a nap so he missed Dakota's visit. The visit was cut short when Naomi said she had to go and buy a cage for Dakota. Somewhere in my or Josh's house, is a perfectly good pug cage but Naomi thinks her doggie deserves a new, never used cage. Spud really never needed to be crated. He never went through that chewing stage, probably because he still seems to have baby teeth. If we were gone, he just went into hibernation mode. But Naomi demanding a new cage for Dakota sparked something in Shanna on how Naomi will have to get used to having used things given the choices she's made and how she will need to know that now she is a poor person doomed to welfare. Naomi said she didn't come over to be lectured and left. There is no use in shaming her. She is in fantasy land and I am trying to slowly bring her to reality. I am propping her up but the minute I let go, she falls. It is all very tiring. After she left, we played the Blame Game-my favorite-a game no one truly ever wins. Everyone is a loser. But the fingers were pointed at me. Among my many crimes, having Naomi live in a city in which she could meet people of different cultures. As I said, there are no winners in this game and I made no effort to defend myself. Naomi later was pissed that I made no effort to defend her either. A bad mother no matter what I do. I guess I could counteract and point out what happens when someone doesn't feel love at home, they try to find it somewhere else with bad results.
Why do children turn out the way they do? I know so many people with less than perfect childhoods and who had the most awful parents grow up just fine. A mystery of my life has been how my father turned out the way he did given his very privileged upbringing. He was shown how to behave but he rejected being a decent person. Maybe he just couldn't help himself.


krisa said...

It is genetics at play. I once told a friend that if my children didn't turn out I wasn't going to blame myself and conversely if they turned out I wouldnt take the credit.
We do the best we can.

Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

You are so right Krisa. I remember being so angry that my father tried to take credit for the way I turned out when most of the time, he thwarted any success. She is what she is. She's at the point though in which bad decisions can influence where she is headed. I am trying to positively influence her as much as possible. My other two were so much easier but again, it's a roll of the dice.


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