Sunday, March 21, 2010


Endorphins are substances the body produces in response to stress to diminish the perception of pain. For me, there seems to be 2 varieties: one that disappears after about 2 minutes and another that isn't as strong but lasts for about an hour after running is over. I have started runs with shoes that pinched but after 2 minutes, I no longer feel them. I have finished runs, walked around for a bit and then felt the sting of open flesh rubbed raw by cotton short edges or running bras that seemed all soft and nice but after 6 miles, turn into flesh searing razors. Along from the obvious scars of the cancer surgeries, my chest has numerous dark scars from the times I didn't put enough protective lotion on.The endorphins enable me to ignore most of this during the run. When I finished my first marathon I was elated to have finished it in the time I set out; mind over matter: and slowly walked through the finish chute. By the end of it, all the pain I had been able to not perceive came rushing over me at once. It really was quite striking. Running other marathons later, I was better trained and didn't need to push myself so hard but I was always hesitant to stop too long or those endorphins would fade. Or I would be crying out, where are my endorphins NOW!

I woke up 2 days ago with a pain in the middle of my back. Maybe I slept in some silly position, I don't know what I did. I was too busy to run Friday but decided to make up for it Saturday. I have a quota for the week and I am full of self-reproach if I don't make it. Yes I realize how silly that is. I was still in pain yesterday morning, but no problem I have my trusty endorphins that will kick in, hopefully sometime SOON, please. I went over 8 miles on the so-called scenic beauty road 2.5 miles away. It goes through woods and plenty of wetlands and usually I don't encounter more than one or two vehicles. During some seasons, I don't dare stop or I get eaten by deerflies. Yesterday the overwhelming sound was that of the spring peepers. The temperature had dropped considerably. A big front of snow hung just north of me on the weather map, I was hoping it wouldn't hit me. I hadn't been so far on this road for a long time. It used to be more interesting going by the Highland cattle (very long shaggy red hair), the miniature horse farm, the sichuan pheasant reserve and in the other direction the bird farm that had black swans and peacocks. All are gone now. At one point, there was a great deal of fresh blood on the road. A deer? It isn't hunting season. The predominant dirt in these parts is clay. When dry, it is hard as rock but after alot of rain, it becomes spongy-very comfortable to run on. I could still feel my back but it was way in the background but of course, after I stopped there it was again..
If I lie perfectly still on my back I don't feel it but I am a tosser and turner. It probably drives Steve nuts. He stays in one position for the night. (By contrast during the day, he is a fidgeter annoying me with his constant motions). He'll put his arms around me but after 10 minutes or so, I feel trapped and need to move. But if I am not careful, I'll hurt my bad arm and now the back. Something else to keep me up. Hopefully this will pass.

So a low-key day. Shanna and her family were en route home; Naomi went to Dontae's family's BBQ. A friend came over and we watched Ricky Gervais. He actually is quite funny.


Teri B. said...

Your post from March 22, the consequences of s-x, is totally blank...has the blogger been editing???
I am writing from a road trip with my soon-to-be-18 year old who is between quarters, 400 miles from home. She has decided to drive home for a few days instead of hanging out in her dorm room, basically alone.
Your blog about your run seemed as though your were writing in while actually running. I could almost picture what used to be there. The "endorphins" topic is such a f- king metaphor for the way I feel I have held my breath through much of the pain in my life, focusing on the positive while waiting for my brain to put the painful things on hold, out of reach, so I can enjoy the beauty around me.

Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

Hi Teri
Blogger hasn't been editing. I started to blog but then was interrupted. I could have deleted what I started but I didn't. Where are you on this road trip? Big Sur? That's where I'd like to be...


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