Sunday, March 23, 2014


I have been one acquainted with the night

Tessa's dress and purse combination. Will buy pretty pink ribbons for her pigtails. I love seersucker dresses

There is day world and there is night world. Thanks to insomnia, I inhabit night world more often these days though I haven't taken to wander the streets as Frost's subject has. Some of the time I spend somewhat productively by reading: the latest read is Dreams of Joy about some idealistic Chinese American returning to Communist China during the late 50s...ideals meet reality. Unproductive time includes bettering my score at Bejeweled Blitz and running the bad thought treadmill: what if, what if...
Then there is dreamworld: I awake confused whether this or that just happened. Latest dream that I can remember: I walk to the podium to give a talk about interesting children in science (I have done this in 'real' life) but I look down dismayed to find my toes are poking out of my socks. No thought to where my shoes may be but to trying to stretch the thin material over my toes, don't know if said toes are neatly manicured or not. In real life this happens all the time but I don't care. Steve does and advocates throwing the sock away. We aren't that poor. But usually the dream is the same one over and over. I am moving yet to another house but already miss the old house. Always they have interesting architectural details in sharp contrast to the boring sub model we have been living in forever. This house never is featured in my dreams. In my dreams I run far (fifty miles or more) from city to city on roads that probably don't exist. I am back in college trying to really earn my degree this time. I have roommates; I don't have dates: why is that? I keep forgetting to go to classes.
I find myself driving alone at night. The long drives in which I am sliding around in the icy Berkshires hoping the semis don't run me over as I listen to Pearl Jam caffeinating myself at regular intervals. The other night listening to non-stop Bach (it was his birthday) trying to remember where those axle busting potholes were as I drive on a now deserted road between towns after an evening of House of Cards viewing. Who is slimier? Claire or Frank?
Back into day world, it is very cold outside but hah! this is my day off. Spring might really happen in a week or so. Meanwhile I have plenty of things to do. It amuses me that people are afraid of retirement because they don't know what they would do with all that free time. We had a visit from Shanna's family yesterday. Tessa did not seem too impressed with the presents but was enthusiastic about saying her new age: TWO!!!!!! And a call much later from a desperate new father: why is she still crying?
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
A luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night. 

1 comment:

Holly said...

Hey - I have that bad thought treadmill too!


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