Friday, October 11, 2013


You'd think that here in the absolute quiet of The Flatlands (the name of her community has the word Hill in it..ha!)I would sleep well. No such luck. Instead I wake from numerous dreams. I must not be too imaginative as I keep having variations of the same dream over and over. I am back in college to earn my degree for real this time (for the record, I do have a degree). What is apparently keeping me from finishing is that I can't remember my schedule. In the last dream, I write it down numerous times in a notebook. But I have trouble getting to my first class as I don't know the train's schedule (no such train in real life) I decide to run through the snow to class running between blackened snow drifts. I make it in time but don't know where to go next? Where is that notebook?

Always frantic in my dreams and full of anxiety. Rarely do I dream about my current life or even in my life past college. Why haven't I had a date in years? I wake up wondering this. Oh I am married.

I did have a dream about an old friend. I have dreamed about him before. He is dead in real life from a brain tumor but in my dream, I am upset because he defriended me on Facebook. Even if he were alive, he would have nothing to do with Facebook. He would find it an inane time waster. I did like him a lot but I didn't have a crush on him. Still I dream about him.

When I first was diagnosed with cancer, I asked  Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Is this Karma of sorts? He was a partial answer. I didn't visit him as often as I should have while he was dying. I did go to his funeral while I was in treatment.

Day 4 of grandchildren.  Oliver is having the most problems missing his mom. On Wednesday, he fell off his bike scraping his knee. He insisted he could not walk or put on his soccer stuff for practice later. When I mentioned we would go to McDonald's first if he could walk, then he did. I thought the practice was at  6:30. There were a couple of kids there earlier and Steve said he read it was 6, can't I get anything right. I was right but Oliver had an extra 20 minutes of practice. He was running just fine. Daniel and Tess played on the playground as the sun set. The bats were fluttering above. Fortunately we have been having Indian summer. No trouble getting them to sleep that night.

Oliver refused to speak to his mom and do much of anything the next day. Giving the three baths energized them and they didn't want to go to sleep. Even the usual angelic Tess didn't want to cooperate. We kept her in our room for a while. I noticed the light on in the boys' room and asked Steve to shut it off. He came back after a while saying that Daniel was missing. Not downstairs, not anywhere. Back in the room, I noticed a heap of bedding next to the sleeping Oliver. Yep there was Daniel.  Oliver does like to hide from me but not Daniel. This morning Oliver had an especially difficult time getting ready. And then he accidentally stepped on an older kid's craft set at the bus stop. She called him a stupid kindergartener and he burst into tears. He spent the rest of the time huddled under my coat until the bus came.

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