Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Blame it on the Momma

How come when a child does something horrific, people ask what kind of mother did this person have anyway?

Years ago a colleague's teenage son was found at night on a freeway overpass shooting out windshields of passing cars on a stretch of M-14 where there are no exits for miles. Although no one was killed or even injured, the victims were not amused. Why did he do this?

After the arrest, we were discussing this at work. My boss, a crabby man very quick to blame people for this and that (I was treated to a tirade because I used reflux as a verb in a report) was surprisingly equanimous. You just never know what you get. No blame. Just a sigh as so far he was lucky though later his daughter did the unforgivable (at least for a while) by marrying outside the faith. He seems to have made his peace with that. When I saw him last, he told me he spent his Friday nights bundled up against the cold watching his grandson from that marriage play football.

I read the shooter's father's obituary the other day. He was almost 90 (seeing long life in an organic chemist always makes me feel a bit better). In it, it had said that he had 4 sons, one whom predeceased him. Was that the shooter? Did he succumb to mental illness? Or was he one of the other three sons who had married and had kids and even grandkids.

I never discussed this my colleague. I didn't know him well and he was assigned to a different therapeutic area (we tended to stick to our own area..I was originally cancer and then spent most of my time in psychiatric disorders.)

I did go X-country skiing with him once. Although he was almost 30 years my senior, he was hard to keep up with. He was Swiss where skiing is learned early. To get to the trails, we skied across a large lake. As it had been cold for quite a while, chances were that it was frozen (and this was when winters used to be cold). However frozen lakes make all sorts of scary cracking sounds which made me nervous. He implied I was a big baby. Frozen lakes always make noises.

I don't have much patience for people who blame their current unhappiness on their parents especially when it has been years since they were under their influence. Naomi to her credit does not blame me for her current situation though she expects a lot of help. She says she does not regret for one moment having Maya.

While I sit here, I am listening to Satie's Gnossiennes. They are so haunting particularly Nos 1 and 3. We had our first frost here this morning (Shanna had hers while she was gone but she is in a lower lying area than we are) .

New rule for Sue: no fun things until I at least get some chore out of the way. With all the time theoretically on my hands, this house should be sparkling clean. I made some small progress today. Yea Sue.

1 comment:

Teri Bernstein said...

Yay Sue! Your house is welcoming and that is what counts.


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