Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Three Marys

I am not much of a Facebook user. I do look at it daily but only post something occasionally. My 'friends' are a mix of old friends, some from childhood whom I haven't seen since, some relatives, two children (not Josh who thinks Facebook is stupid) ex co-workers, a co-worker's spouse, some cancer people (one of whom is dead), a boss, my hair dresser, children of childhood friends, an ex-boyfriend, some of my high school classmates, many of whom I didn't know in high school but have 'friended' me. In other words, the usual mix.

 Recently I had posted something that the only ones who responded were the three Marys. These Marys represented good friends from different periods of my life. Friends come and go. The friendships didn't really end abruptly but slowly faded away as circumstances changed. The first Mary I met at freshman orientation. We became close friends. She transferred to a school in NY where I visited in the aftermath of Hurricane Agnes. From her college town, I visited my birthplace devastated by the hurricane. I didn't see her again until a few years after we graduated and she moved to a Michigan suburb. Our families got together quite often until she moved again. She has moved at least 7 times and now is the farthest away. I am welcome to go there. Maybe I will. She lives on top of a mountain in the Smokies.

Mary number two was the girlfriend of a man who grew up in Brooklyn who had friends in common with Steve. We used to exercise together, my cross country skiing partner.She ran the last 6 miles with me of my first marathon. I would see her several times a week and we took some minivacations together. But after she broke up with her boyfriend and I became more involved with kid activities, we didn't see each other often. I did see her at the funeral of her boyfriend and just every once in a while after that. We are always theoretically planning to get together but just don't.

Mary number three was a co-leader for the first few years that we ran a girl scout troop. Lots of planning sessions and camping trips. She is a friendly, reasonable, caring person that lives in my neighborhood. Some how our paths rarely cross until yesterday. After she quit girl scout leading, I only saw her occasionally. When I had a miscarriage, I was devastated. I wanted to talk to someone who had an inkling of how I felt. I didn't want to listen to 'good thing you didn't get attached' 'all for the best' 'you already have two kids' any more. Miscarriages are presumably common but at that point, she was the only person who I knew who had had one so I called her.

Yesterday was Naomi's first day in training for something that we all hope will morph into a career (it seemed to go well). So on Monday afternoons, I have Maya. I took her to the park where I ran into Mary number three babysitting her youngest granddaughter, the spitting image of her mother who I first met as a 6 year old Brownie, Shanna's age. My three grandchildren are beautiful but none of them really look like my children. Maybe my now lime sized fetal grandchild will look like Shanna...Maybe in the future, Josh junior will appear. Maybe, maybe.
With us was another grandmother who drives daily 50 miles (one way) to our neighborhood to provide daycare for her daughter. Mary pointed out a few other grandmothers here who have grandbabies in tow and that we all should have a play group (all these babies are girls). So maybe we have a Grandmom support group. It was nice catching up.


Josh is still loving Brazil even though it took him away from watching his beloved Wolverines. His co-workers took him to the 'nicest ' beach where they rented a table and umbrella sipping caipirinhas, the national drink, a mix of rum, lime, and a sugar cane liquor. (Shanna and I had one at a Brazilian restaurant in Cleveland(?)  and yes, they are yummy.)His hosts were apologetic about the caipirinhas as they were not the best but they tasted good to Josh. Every Brazilian woman, regardless of age or excess of fat, wears those thong bikinis with their butt cheeks hanging out. They also went to the old town where all the 550 year old buildings are and ornate churches. He presumably has taken many pictures. Every day, he drives 20 miles through the jungle to get to work. He has seen no unusual wildlife except for very colorful birds.


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