When do you throw a game?

part of Glass Beach, Ft. Bragg CA

Carson Mansion, Eureka , CA

Why do I have those photos above? Well I am doing my favorite thing: plotting and planning. In a month, we will take a road trip from San Francisco to Seattle and back. Lots to see between the three states.

 

Today there was an article about what age do you stop letting your child win at various games, Monopoly was the example. The experts came up with 4. Kids need to learn to lose gracefully, a very hard lesson that many adults haven't mastered. Still one shouldn't put your child in situations that it would be outright impossible to win or they will experience learned helplessness. But after a few losses, the wins feel so much better.

 

When Josh was 11, we rented a racquet ball court. I did remind him that back in the day, I was fairly good at this but as he thought himself to be a superior athlete, he was sure he would beat me even though he never played before. After volleying for a while, he said it was time for an actual game. Well I won and he was in tears. Josh was not a crier so I was surprised. I told him how unrealistic it was to have expected to beat me but said he was getting better the more we played so how about a rematch. Well he won that but still he was unsatisfied because he thought I threw the game.

 

For some reason, he was always challenging me to a Scrabble game insisting he would win even though my vocabulary was  much larger. I refused to play but instead played games that he would have a chance at winning.

 

He in turn, didn't give Naomi much of a break. Even though he was 9 years older and much bigger, he would play hard at basketball. She got better and better in part because of it.

 

Things are more back to normal. Steve is no longer exiled to another room at night; I started driving yesterday. The girls are becoming more flesh colored though I will get stabbing pains in both of them occasionally and the surgical vest is very uncomfortable. And I am to wear it 24/7 for 4 more weeks though I can buy a less restricting garment now. I am to pick up nothing heavier than 5 lbs, a difficult thing. For instance a gallon of milk weighs 8 lbs.  Every day I walk at least 75 minutes. I have even biked a little meeting my 2000 mile goal for the year.

The 36 year running postpartum support group

This was us 6 years ago for our 30th anniversary. My hair was especially short as it was just growing back from being bald

2 days ago at our Xmas party. The fifth mom was taking the photo. Should have insisted on dragging her husband from his lair to do it

3 of the 5 original babies at one year. Shanna used the bottle as a pacifier. Alas I have no photo of the five babies of the Moms in one place. And of course we had five more babies that aren't included in this at all

A few months later with 2 of the missing babies from above but now missing our hostess's son. The 2 extra babies  (the red clown and the ghost)left the group. One moved out of state; the other still here and I am still friendly with her as Josh and her daughter were close friends

pretty tree with 20 gift bags for each other

Beautiful table artfully set by the artistic mom Every inch of her house is full of art

I met the first Mom in my Lamaze class. I don't believe we spoke until the final night in which we all put down our addresses and phone numbers on a list if we wanted to be contacted in the future . I noticed that Mom One was a neighbor and waddled over (I had packed on 70 pounds, a lot due to pre-eclampsia) saying we should get together after our babies were born. As she didn't seem so enthusiastic, I reluctantly pounded on her door later. We became friends baby-sitting each others babies until the seconds were born. She initially was in a different Mom's group but asked to join ours as we seemed to be having more fun. Mom Two was my second roommate (first roommate, the immaculate conceiver, hymen had been torn giving birth, had left). Her baby had been premature and had been quickly taken away with breathing issues. She was up all night with worry so we talked all night. We had gone to the same elementary school though since she was closer in age to my brother, I didn't know her. At one point, our best friends were sisters. Small world. When the babies were a month old, she brought her son over to my house. He looked so frail and tiny compared to Shanna, who was growing alarmingly quickly. For the first 3 years, she was the tallest and heaviest baby (though Josh had her beat by quite a bit once he appeared) but the others all surpassed her being boys. Frail baby is at least 6 inches taller than her and weighs quite a bit more. Lamaze never contacted me but Mom Two did asking me to go to her group early January 1980 when our babies were almost 6 months old. I brought my short-haired dumpling encased in Osh Kosh overalls (I wasn't going to pink poison my daughter) to the facilitator's house on the west side of Ann Arbor.

 

Ah, it looks like we all have sons!

 

Um no. We met weekly for a while with the facilitator and then given the option to meet on our own at our own houses which we have continued to do for the next 36 years. It must be some sort of record. One of the moms quickly dropped out. She was very weepy as her son was rejecting her breast and it was difficult to see our babies greedily sucking away (though since I had to go back to work, Shanna had a bottle). Years later, I met the Breast Rejecter all grown up into a fine, young man at a science fair sponsored by our work. He was quickly replaced by the son of Mom one. Another mom moved out of state when the older babies were three; another left when they were seven or so due to hurt feelings. As she lived a few houses down from The Albatross (she long ago moved yet again), I still saw her as we had different friends in common and her daughter was buddies with Josh.

 

Two to three years later, most of us had second babies though again, I was out of sync as I had a son  when 3 of them had girls. Between the five of us, we've had 10 babies and now 9 grandbabies with me having the lion's share. Initially most of our conversations revolved around our babies. So much to discuss and worry about. And for me, this was my main outlet. Yep I have plenty of friends though most of my childhood and college friends were scattered to the wind and most of them did not have babies so early. And I had plenty of friends at work, some of whom I'd see outside of work. I worked with men. And although most of them  had or eventually had children, the quickest way to bore them is to say anything about my kids. No matter, plenty of other things to talk about. And talk I do.

 

Our friendships deepened over the years. We were so involved with the lives of our babies, it took years before we really learned anything beyond the superficial about each other. We have morphed into Chosen Sisters. Most of us have developed relationships with each other beyond the group so though we now meet less regularly, once a month or so, we see and talk to  various individuals much more frequently. When one of the daughters had a junior year in Paris, three of us hopped on a plane to see her, the first time in Europe for all of us. (somehow it isn't fair that our kids got to go to Europe and Caribbean Islands long before we got to). We have weathered many crises together but have also shared in the joy of our children's milestones. These babies are 36 year old grown men and women who are much older than we were when we first met. We've have grown up too in many, many ways. It has been a very interesting journey. I am so blessed that these women figure so greatly and joyfully in my life.

 

 

 

How we happened to have a Mormon wedding

The Professor and me. He was a Mormon minister at one time

cutting the cake

Although my father won many awards for photography and earned quite a bit selling his work, he was really, really bad at photographing people. This was the last week that Steve was beardless

Due to many conflicting activities yesterday, I missed Oliver's piano recital and Tessa's preschool sing. They are all dressed up

Meanwhile Josh(tallest one here) was in Texas for his best friend's wedding. Center man. These 6 guys have been together since elementary school and usually were on the same sports teams until they branched out to travel sports. The four guys in the middle were the four I would take on my 6 day bike trips. Yes I was crazy travelling with 4 teenage boys. The one on the far left was supposed to come one year but backed out at the last minute. I don't think he would have had the endurance to do it any way. In my mind, these guys are little boys, not men.

anniversary jellyfish from my sweetie

My junior year in college was especially busy as I had two majors that required many laboratory hours. The only way I could fit them all in was to have Saturday classes too. Plus I had to work. My most difficult class by far was physical chemistry. This was the class we needed the 3 semesters of calculus and then differential equations for. What level of math did I actually need for my eventual job as a synthetic  organic chemist? Um, algebra and once we had computers, not even that. We used to have analytical chemistry tests that took up to 4 hours to complete. One of the times, we were going to have a physical chemistry exam bright and early the next morning. Yes we could study several days in advance but most of us wanted to have an evening the night before to study. Maybe we could convince the P chem prof to change the date? Several fellow chem majors (men) approached me and said I would, as the prettiest chem major, have the best shot at changing The Professor's mind. I was dubious. He looked so gruff. Also my father had had him years ago and said he was a real SOB (lots of people were real SOBs in my dad's book) and I should try to find a different professor.. But I said I would do it as long as one of them came with me. The Professor ignored my companion and directed all the questions towards me. I had told him most of his class was taking the 4 hour test the night before. He said that was not true as most of the class were chem engineers, not chem majors but he would consider changing it. As I left, I said that my father had him 24years before in grad school.  He did change the date. I really struggled in the class. My boyfriend, on the other hand, found the class very easy (he was a genius) and although he didn't need the class, he took it for my sake. I found it expedient for him to attend the lectures instead of me and then have him tell me what was important. As there were at least 60 in the class, I didn't think I would be missed. But the Professor was tracking me. He showed up in my Saturday lab one morning wondering about my attendance and then invited me to lunch. Then he started popping up in all my Saturday labs. Eventually I ran his personal research lab for 2 years. My boyfriend, the much superior student, ended up as a graduate level test corrector. This did not go unnoticed by my fellow chem majors. I often was approached with..tell your stupid boyfriend that he made a mistake correcting my test.. But the boyfriend rarely made a mistake, at least not in physical chemistry. Why didn't they take their complaints to my boyfriend? He was quite muscular  and prone to fighting. People were scared of him. And 2 years later, he was gone. All for the best.

So 4 years later, I had remembered that The Professor had been an elder in the Reorganized Church of Latter Day Saints (what's the difference? Well for starters, they can drink). My grandfather didn't want me to be married in a courthouse (though he did not  offer up his minister). I thought it would be perfect if The Professor married us. Alas he had let his license lapse but he said his friend would marry us.

In the above photo, he is quite overweight. He did love his food. But when I saw him a year later, he was skin and bones though still ebullient and happy to see me. He had pancreatic cancer. They did surgery to cut his nerves so he would feel nothing. He died about six months later. He was a very important person in my life.

So yesterday was our 38th anniversary which we sort of celebrated 2 weeks ago on our trip to Lake Michigan not knowing what kind of shape I would be after the surgery (better than I expected but again, I didn't get everything done that I thought would be). My surgery was scheduled late in the day. It took longer than expected and I was very slow to come to. Everyone else had left the waiting room long ago. I think about him all alone in the waiting room worrying by himself about me. Yes I have a good support system but alas, he does not.

Last night I came home very late from my MOMs party (which I will write about some other time). The nights were on, the door unlocked. My bed was all prepared for me. I am truly blessed to be married to this wonderful loving man.


Chairs/cheers

My King Kong lamp with a red bulb for Xmas

Not clear from this photo are Oliver's missing teeth But I do like his smile

Big boy teeth growing in. He was the last kid to lose teeth in his class

one of my 'new' chairs

In their corners. In a normal heighted room, these chairs would be half way up the wall. Here they look puny. Need to  buy some blue throw pillows

This will go above my cabinets in the kitchen

With Shanna's van, Steve was able to retrieve my orange side chairs today while Shanna and the kids stayed at our home. 60 degrees today! We had the kids run around outside instead of inside. Bonus: no wind. After an even longer walk than previous days, I went for a short bike ride. Didn't feel dizzy today. And then to get sparkling red, silver and gold nails for the MOMs' X-mas party tomorrow. Tonight I will prepare part of the dessert. No I am not making the elaborate Buche de Noel as I had in the past.

 

I did have some wine last night with a friend. I am no longer on opiates. I was to abstain for 3 weeks if I had had a fat engraftment as alcohol causes swelling. I assume my breasts could swell too but didn't notice any additional swelling due to falling off the wagon. They do feel so strange: rubbery, numb  alien things. Presumably feeling will gradually return.

 

I was listening to a podcast reviewing an ex-alcoholic's memoir. She would have frequent black-outs and wake up in a stranger's bed with no idea how that happened. The black-outs she referred to aren't the type that you faint to the ground and essentially are dead asleep for a few hours. No, you are up and about making deals, laughing, agreeing to things you normally wouldn't agree to and you forget everything that happens in those few hours. This has happened to me three times in my life though one of those times, no alcohol was involved. I had run myself into a stupor. My first black-out occurred when I was college freshman. Too many screwdrivers were involved. The only memory I had was a nauseous feeling anytime I smelt TreeSweet orange juice. Well I was young, lesson learned (sort of).  The last time, was 12 years ago and worse, was at a company party meaning there were probably witnesses to my behavior. Not good though I am told, I didn't say anything very stupid. And Steve was overseeing me. For a four hour or so window, I remembered nothing though I was merrily chatting away. Back at home, my aunt called to tell me my uncle had died. Steve said I had an appropriate conversation with her. The next night she called again with funeral info. I said What!?! He died? She must have thought the apple didn't fall from the tree. (My mom, her sister, had Alzheimer's Disease at the time). Very embarrassing.

My small world

Today I get to take a shower, woo-hoo! The hole left when they pulled the drain is finally closed. I've been sponging myself off and having Steve wash my hair in the sink but I am itchy, especially as I have to wear that straightjacket surgical vest around the clock.

No pretty pictures. It is quite drab outside but I shouldn't complain as it is unseasonably warm. I went for a long walk yesterday spending most of the time chatting with Soulmate, surprising as I thought I was even further from the weak cell tower yet I had much better reception than I do in my house. I have to sit near the front windows to get some type of reception. Sometimes my phone doesn't even register calls if the phone is towards the back of the house (where I sleep). His beach house in Delaware is almost finished so I will have another nice place to visit. I've only been on the narrow strip of Delaware that 1-95 cuts across so a new state for me. Plus there is a ferry going straight to Cape May NJ which I always wanted to see. Since the Albatross is gone, I will be free to travel.

Steve went there yesterday to hand deliver the tax bill. The new owners were inside supervising work and invited Steve inside. We had two levels of hardwood floors which needed to be refinished as there was some surface stains in parts. However, the wood itself was in great shape. They ripped the floors up! I guess it's their money but what a waste. They were replaced with dark wood as all new builds have these days. Honey colored oak is dated. The husband pointed to the kitchen and asked Steve Tell me you didn't chose that hideous wallpaper!
Actually Steve did chose it and I thought it was nice (almost 20 years ago). I thought it had a modern feel and matched by then new white and black kitchen perfectly (which replaced a harvest gold, rust kitchen with dark wood accents). But they are young and can not conceive of a world where wallpaper was desirable. They have been poisoned by HGTV. The new owner did like the latheing that was all over the ceiling the walls that weren't wallpapered. It was a bitch to clean. We had just had the kitchen repainted but they chose to repaint it a whiter white though I swear it was very, very white.

They repainted the lowest level taupe replacing the beachy turquoise I though was pretty. But the paint was coming off and Steve threw away the excess paint so it couldn't be retouched. What they were having done when Steve got there was installing overhead light fixtures in the bedrooms. The husband was incredulous we lived without these. (houses of that era were built without them but we had plenty of wall and floor lamps to keep things well lit.) They had trouble opening the garage door using the code box so Steve showed them how to do that.

It was so warm out I was tempted to bicycle even though this was on the forbidden list. I assume because of the possible jostling and sudden movements to avoid accidents that could rip the stitches. Also I am a bit dizzy. But Steve was gone (so no disapproval) and I slowly went 3 miles just in the neighborhood trying to avoid minor cracks. I was fine.

Also on the forbidden list: driving for 3 weeks. Now I am off opiates but accident avoidance maneuvers could possibly rip stitches open. Also if I were to get into an accident and they found I violated the no-driving restriction, I assume I would be in trouble. Steve called from 20 minutes away. He locked the keys in the car (for the third time!!). I would have to rescue him. He apologized over and over. Right off the bat, my swinging my arm in a long arc to back the car out stretched my stitches. I was careful to use smaller movements turning after that.

For some reason, I am still spacey and spend much more time in bed. I assume this is a lasting effect from the anesthesia. Also being on my back all the time is  getting old. I am a tosser and turner and I wake up once I hit the sore chest.

I haven't gotten to numerous small tasks on my list. I was watching my birds yesterday. Suddenly the red tail hawk swooped in  but hit the window stunning itself. It didn't hit hard: I've heard louder thumps from the sparrows. While it sat in the tree to recover, I ran to get the camera (too late) and the birds flew away to hide. A missed meal for it.

Runaway train: the red line T Ramy used to take to work in Boston took off yesterday with no conductor but full of very frightened passengers barreling through 4 stops until the power was cut off. Still it had enough momentum to get to the fifth stop, the one he used to get on (the JFK-UMass). No one was hurt.

Fun scheduled today: even warmer and sunnier so out for a walk and then a shower!!! Then a visit from Shanna and Tessa. And maybe I will get my chairs today. And maybe I will do some of my chores.

hideous wallpaper?

perfectly good floors destroyed

The road to (insurance) Hell

This was taken by my hairdresser. Hell isn't far away

Orange side chairs with Queen Anne legs that I got a hankering for. Problem: they were 45 miles away and won't fit in our car. They will be trucked to Ann Arbor shortly where we can pick them up this weekend in Shanna's van. I do wish they were deeper orange. I will spiff them up with blue pillows with a modern design. I will make them work

Will the orange chairs work with my modern designer table? I did look up the designer. I think this was the best deal I got in all my thrift store purchases as this table retails close to $2K Note this too has Queen Anne legs.

ice fog on my cleome corpses. We've been having a lot of this

I listen to podcasts to lull me to sleep. Some of them are old and thus dated such as the one on health insurance tricks before Obamacare closed this sizeable loophole. In the olden days (pre Obama), before an insurance company would agree to pay, they would scan the original application and health histories to make sure there were no pre-existing conditions. Years ago, a woman had acne on her chest, which was treated successfully by a dermatologist. She failed to disclose this on her insurance application perhaps because they didn't ask if she ever had acne. Then she had breast cancer. The insurance company would not pay for its treatment because occasionally breast cancer can appear on the skin and in their greedy eyes, this was a pre-existing condition that she failed to disclose. The dermatologist wrote on her behalf begging them not to withhold treatment as the rash was clearly acne. If only breast cancer would go away with standard acne treatment! Meanwhile during the long appeals process the cancer spread all over the damn place though not on her skin. Breast cancer can eventually attack the skin as it did in my ex-friend's (indigo dreaming) case. She posted gruesome photos. It was a huge open sore that resisted any treatment. She is an ex-friend not because we had some falling out but because it killed her.


Well there is no more denials due to pre-existing conditions that prevented many Americans from ever having health insurance. You Republicans out there seemed to have been OK with that. Really. But sadly, the insurance companies still have their ways to maximize profits. Yesterday I got a chilling letter from the insurance company dated November 25 (yesterday was December 8) saying that I couldn't be approved for the surgery as they were missing the photo of my ginormous breast. If this evidence was not in their hands by December 20, they will not approve the surgery. WTF!!! I ALREADY HAD THE SURGERY!! So maybe I am panicking for naught. Maybe this was all taken care of before the surgery. The surgeon's office wants to be paid, right? Fortunately I had a follow-up appointment that very afternoon, which I arrived at 45 minutes early because I wanted to clear this up ASAP as it was all I could think of. I ask the receptionist when I arrived whom could I speak to about this. She didn't know because she didn't work there. Really, what are you doing there with the computer. She would check. But instead, I had the appointment right away to rip off my purple scapeship band-aids, which made the assistant laugh, and seri strips (ow!!!) and the drain pulled out (which fortunately didn't hurt as much as someone told me it would). I couldn't even ask about my medical concerns as  of course my mind was fixated on the insurance documentation. And the PCP does not handle insurance though she did hook me up afterward with the lady that does. I did finally see my breasts close-up with a hand held mirror. I am recovering very well though I was not to take the ibuprofen that I swear the post-op nurse told me to (and Steve remembered clearly I was told to too so it wasn't an opiate hallucination). I still have no clue how he managed to fill in the missing breast without siphoning off stomach fat. I can ask him in 6 weeks. The wound left from the drain needs treatment for the next 3 days. No showers until then. No driving for 3 weeks total. No lifting over 5 pounds for 4-6 weeks and no baths or hottubs either. Meanwhile I still am somewhat dizzy and my stomach hurts. I assume this all is left over from the anesthesia. Didn't this happen during my other surgeries? NO. But they used a way different system (gas) versus iv. Presumably this new way is superior but maybe it has much more lasting side effects.

But I did get to speak to the Scheduler who doubles as the insurance wrangler. She claimed all was submitted  by November 30 and this letter was sent out presumably earlier (so why did it take 2 weeks to get here). She does not think there will be a problem with reimbursement but the insurance company told her my case was still under review. Are they the ultimate deciders whether my breasts looked hideous enough to warrant repair? The fox guarding the henhouse. I will be updated sometime today.

On another note, we got the tax bill for the old house. The city  got news of the change of ownership the day we closed but said the bill was already prepared. And no, they will not send a new bill to the new owners (which probably is the bank and perhaps the bank already knows to get this). It is up to us whether we will send the bill to them ourselves. And someone is obligated to pay it even if they never see the bill.

Below is an artist's (or not) rendition of my Picasso chest and its repair. I don't have actual photographs but as it turns out, others do and are merrily judging away. I did once post a disgusting photo of my many scars in the deformed breast but it would be hard to tell that it was actually a breast versus a flesh colored street map.

Update: Nevermind. I got the call this afternoon that they approved my surgery. Guess I did look bad enough to them



Woodpeckers

my new display table Still need to buy some shelves for my glass display

a male downy woodpecker

white breasted nuthatch. I have seen a red breasted nuthatch here too

beautiful Motawi red headed woodpecker tile that a treasured friend gave me recently. Saw one in the flesh a month ago but he hasn't made his way to my feeder

 

Today I finally left the confines of my neighborhood to go shopping. Aside from X-mas stuff, we went to a sort of up-scale consignment shop where I found an arty display table for my living room plus a glass sculpture. I am no longer on any kind of pain medication due to their negative side effects. Still I am light-headed and have a mild headache as if I were deprived of caffeine though I've been drinking plenty. The surgical vest is digging into my flesh causing a rash. Tomorrow I go to get my drain out. Hopefully that won't be too painful.