Remembering Debbie

She prided herself on her food and her decor

Debbie at our cooking class a few years ago

I met Debbie  about 6 years ago at my monthly cooking class at the Cancer Support Community. Basically the class teaches you how to eat to prevent cancer: lots of vegetables, the more colorful the better, little dairy or meat of fat, alternative protein sources to meat. The teacher, also a cancer survivor, is a nutritionist at the nearby hospital usually features 3-4 items which we all get to eat. Very few items do I ever refuse to eat, usually beets and asparagus. Fortunately she rarely uses hardboiled eggs or potatoes, which I also avoid. Debbie had breast cancer a few years after I did and  was treated with the same chemo. Unfortunately this chemo can cause additional cancers later (and heart damage, nerve damage). She was going to Italy a bit before Steve and I were so we talked about our trips and shared notes afterwards. At the same time, we needed a lot of help fixing up our old house to sell and she said we could hire her boyfriend which we did. She also liked shopping at resale places too so we did that together. About four years ago, she was diagnosed with leukemia which was thought to be due to her cancer treatment. The only cure would be a stem cell transplant. Her only sibling fortunately was a match (only happens 25% of the time: much less of a chance with children or parents). Before they would do that, she had to have chemo to knock out her blast cells (immature red cells that are useless for carrying oxygen) and have numerous transfusions. I took her to some of these chemos. Fortunately that worked well enough to be hospitalized and be exposed to high does of chemo that completely destroyed her bone marrow (and every fast growing cell like stomach linings, inside of cheeks, etc). Her brother was given a stimulant to make more stem cells (the same one I took to encourage new white cells when I did chemo) and hooked up to some sort of cell separator to harvest some of his stem cells. He produced a lot even though he was the upper limit for donating. It only took a few minutes to introduce his cells into her blood stream. A miracle these things can go from the blood stream into the inside of bones and start reproducing themselves. After a month or so, his immune system and blood producing cells had taken over her body. Until that happened, she was severely immunocompromised and had to be in strict isolation. She did text me often. Although there are 10 factors they check for for matching and her brother was 10 for 10, there must be some factors that have not been identified. His immune sytem, now in her, was attacked her body in a whole variety of unpleasant ways. They could give drugs to suppress the immune system but unless they balanced that carefully, she was vulnerable to infections. Worse, the immunosuppressants have very nasty side effects such as avascular necrosis meaning her hip joints had no blood supply and died causing immense pain. And her lungs became so damaged she could never breath well enough to be under anesthesia for the needed hip replacements. She was often hospitalized for a variety of infections. Once for 6 weeks as the graft versus host disease destroyed her whole digestive system so it had to be on complete rest. Could not even have liquids. Still in the four years she dealt with this, she would have periods of being almost normal and she could do the things she loved. Around 4 years after her diagnosis, they had xrayed her heart and lungs while she was in the hospital yet again having difficulty breathing. A new tumor of some sort was strangling her aorta. They had some xrays of just a month previous in which this monster was not there. It appeared to be lymphoma but she could not be biopsied. She had enough. Perhaps it could have been treated (rituxanin) and maybe she could have lived longer but would still have her lung issues and joint issues She was put on hospice and told maybe she had 6 weeks of life. She did not seem depressed by this news. She had been more upset at other event in her life, some quite trivial. She proceeded to entertain friends in her loft. She would have bursts of energy and even cut my hair again. In the end, she lived about 14 weeks. I was gone when she died. She had called me a few days before and was very weak.

She had called me almost every day for the past 4 years and was a big part of my life. I will miss her. What helped her get through this all was her faith that she would go to heaven. She planned her funeral on every detail selecting the Bible readings and the hymns and afterwards the menu at the luncheon. I was given a pair of shiny heart earrings I was to wear at her funeral to denote I was in her special circle (of five; of ten? numbers kept changing) I hadn't wore earrings in years so I had to repuncture them to get them in. They will remain there for awhile. So far no infection.

Her funeral was in the Catholic church my grandfather remarried in when I was 9 (he was not a Catholic but his wife was) I had not been in there since then. One of the Bible verses was that one in Matthew about Jesus, Our Shepherd, separating the sheep from the goats, as shepherds allegedly do. (parables like this would get me in trouble in Sunday school because I would question details like why are goats bad and sheep good when they are very similar to me). Anyway: sheep(aka the Righteous) are on the right; goats on the left (again, why is the left always 'bad') Time to decide who gets to go to heaven or who gets to be eternally damned. To the sheep: for when I was hungry, and you gave me food to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you took me in. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. Then the righteous will answer him saying Lord when did we see you need all this...And the King will answer them, most certainly I tell you because you did it to one of the least of my brothers, you did it to me.

And he pretty much says the same things to the goats only putting in the word NOT in each sentence and of course they are damned because they routinely turned their backs on people in need.

That week Trump was asked because he is such a 'good Christian" he must have a favorite Bible verse. Oh there are just so many good ones, excellent ones. How about one, just one?

Then he shut that down with that's a personal question.

How would his treatment of Central American immigrants decide which hand he should be at?

Can't he cite one Bible verse? 

If only so called Christians would really be Christians.

I had put on Facebook how I would miss Debbie as we were very good friends. Someone wrote that  our days on earth are so agonizingly long until we can be reunited with our loved ones.

Well actually my days on earth seem to go by disturbingly and increasingly fast. And as much as I care for Debbie and others that have died, I'm in no rush to die to possibly see them again especially because I really don't believe I will. But I would never deny someone that comfort.