Pink anxiety

Pretty pink houses: first two: Old San Juan, Puerto Rico

Burano

Today I go for my mammogram. Surprisingly I slept well last night not even mulling over the what-ifs. Chances are all is fine but then, what if it is not.

Six years ago today I began my first chemo: an infusion of cyclophosamide and Adriamycin aka The Red Devil. Would I die instantly? (not unheard of) Will I suddenly lose my memory?  (I wrote all my passwords out just in case)Will I be vomiting for the next 4 months? Will I be in pain? The months of chemo coincided with the 4 months of bleak winter. How could I survive?

I was able to run the next day, cautiously as the Red Devil is known to damage hearts. I didn't feel any different except for the nausea. But as time wore on, I became weaker and weaker. These were not happy memories even though my symptoms were much milder than most people experience.

I do not mind running in the cold as long as the roads are dry, which they were today and yesterday. On Sunday, I biked in shorts.

My friend's ram story hit the news yesterday (Rambunctious ram ramps up rampage would have been a good title but they went with Thanksgiving doorbuster). OMG, the comments it received with lots of criticism for shooting the ram as it was preparing to take out their picture window. One person suggested that my friend broke the windows and damaged the door  herself to justify killing the ram

Update: After 3.5 hours of various visits at UM, I am home. The mammogram was clean. Also I have graduated from having to see the oncologist. Yay! From now on, I will see her only if some problem arises. I was given a list of things to watch out for. I also asked not to have my mammograms done in the hospital so back to the clinic near my house. I am not finished with doctors yet as I have a plastic surgeon consult to deal with my Picasso-esque chest (One way up; one way down). As this was because of breast cancer, my insurance is supposed to cover it. I also got a flu shot. So much time was spent waiting especially in the mammogram place. As time went by and patients leaving before me that came after me, I was becoming more and more worried. When this has happened in the past, it meant something bad. They did have to repeat one mammogram because the staples were not visible (amazing I don't set off metal detectors, I have so many). Meanwhile Steve had a doctor's visit too, not in the same place. He will need some follow up work...always something.

I forgot to dig up all my glads. Will they come back? Will we be here?