Scan Anxiety Redux

The waiting room for the mammograms was completely filled this morning. By the time I was finished with my half hour series of scans and rescans, half were gone. I was told that this will be my last 'diagnostic scan; no more high magnifications' but now I don't know how true that is. Slowly all the other patients disappeared until only two of us remained. The other lady was BRAC2 and had had triple negative BC also, very rare to meet them in the flesh aside from my neighbor diagnosed at the same time as I. Five years later, she developed estrogen positive BC in her lymph node. This was not considered a recurrence but a new primary. Finally even she disappeared (with a clean bill of health) and it was just me thinking unhappy thoughts. For one thing, I was already late for the radiation oncology meeting. (They did tell me later I should have reminded them of that, that perhaps I would have been dealt with quicker but past experience has been there is no speeding up anything there). Finally I was called into a room with the radiologist, a bad sign right there as usually these people just sign a letter of good news and are never seen. She said that she would need to ultrasound my 'mass'. Instantly I felt my world crumbling and started to panic. Almost 2 hours later, I still feel sick to my stomach. I must have looked terrified. She told me not to panic, that although there have been changes since last year, it was probably nothing. So after the ultrasound in which I held my breath choking back tears, the radiologist said what happened is that I had a hemotoma after the surgeries but now, 2 years later, it is solidifying. On the mammogram, it looks like a tumor but the ultrasound shows it as fluid with small lumps of fibrous stuff forming so it is not a tumor.

On to the radiation oncologist, which was anticlimatic. I wanted her to confirm what the radiologists had said but she said she was not a radiologist (which is what I thought a radiation oncologist was). Until next summer, I am supposed to be seen every 3 months. The two years of intensive surveillance starts when you finish treatment, not when you are diagnosed.

All in all, I was gone nearly 4 hours.

It is beautiful outside. Maybe I'll go for a walk and calm myself down.

And now, no X-mas with all the grandkids. Shanna and her family are coming around Thanksgiving instead. Her husband has a medical condition that could only be treated in Canada. Go figure. This is according to his Harvard based specialist. It is not a fatal condition but one that seriously impacts his quality of life. Originially everything was set up in Toronto but now they are seeing if the procedure could be done closer to us as in Windsor.