Survivorship

I debated yesterday about whether to go to the BC support group. Part of me thinks(and others have strongly hinted)that I should move on. As time goes on, BC is becoming a smaller part of my life. Still every time I feel like I have bone pain, my mind jumps to dark possibilities. On top of it, the weather was bad. We finally have 'significant' snow on the ground.On the plus side, I like the facilitator and they serve a free, tasty lunch so off I went, slip-sliding away. I am glad I went. The other participant, a woman I very much like, was counting on me being there and brought her extensive list of meds that she didn't understand the function of. I carefully explained the function of each med and she seemed impressed that I could make her understand as her medical team was unable. So my science education background occasionally comes in handy. She is a 'triple positive' so her treatment is quite a bit different from my own but there are commonalities.

So what to do next? Last year was focused on just surviving and then rewarding myself with the Italian trip. True we have a myriad of house projects from 27 years of neglect but I need more than that. Recently on the TNBC a newly diagnosed woman appeared, a single woman with triplets(!!!) who was asking for advice about the logistics of chemo while working and dealing with the kids. I was just thinking OMG. How lucky I was not having to work and having someone around to wait on me while I was under treatment. Even though I suffered many of the nasty side effects, I got off easy compared to many. So many cancer patients aren't as 'lucky'. How can I help others? Stay tuned.

In the category of bizarre side effects of chemo but maybe TMI: my apocrine glands have resumed their function. Until this week, since chemo, I really didn't need deodorant. There are still none on the left side but I never had them there ( a blessing when I broke my left arm and was unable to move it from my side for 3 months). This is a side effect never mentionned in the handouts (they go on and on about hair loss, compromised immune systems, shredded digestive tracts, mouth sores, fatigue, etc..)but others have reported it.

It is pretty out but very cold and slippery. I've been running in the Y but it is a 10 mile round trip. I am going out to lunch with my son soon and then I'll see how much I want to run.

A decade of changes

New in 2009

In the past decade...I've
become the grandma of 2 little boys
seen two of my children graduate with honors from college
seen both of them marry
seen my daughter be a starter for the varsity bball team and win the district championships
Seen her AAU volleyball team win the state championship
been to Europe 6 times
been on 3 Caribbean cruises
climbed a pyramid in the Yucatan
snorkelled with barracudas and sting rays
survived TNBC
lost all my hair
lost my job (at the same time my husband did)
lost both of my parents
went to court 5 times

The good outweighs the bad by far (see precious above)

It's all in the environment

Recently there was an interesting article in the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/29/health/research/29cancer.html?pagewanted=3&_r=3&emc=eta1) about how cancer works.Apparently it isn't enough for a cell to mutate; the cancer cells need a proper environment in order to spread and invade. Most research is centered on stopping the cell's growth. Some believe that more effort should be towards studying the environment of the surrounding tissue that enables these cells to become an invading tumor.

Some cancer myths were discussed.One was that that injury to your breast did not cause your cancer. Many women insist that the site of their tumor just happens to be where they were injured. Usually this is scornfully dismissed. According to some of the research presented, there may be some truth into what these women insist. The injury did not cause the mutation but could have altered the surrounding tissue through inflammation making an environment in which the mutated cells, already present, could escape and turn into cancer. Animal evidence produced tumors that thrived when added to a chicken's injured wing but didn't take hold in the uninjured wing. This theory makes biopsies extra scary in that the inflammation that the procedure produces might make these dormant cells escape their ducts and do their damage.

Another issue. Your cancer has been there for years. I still believe that this statement was taught to physicians by their lawyers to prevent lawsuits claiming their cancers weren't treated quickly enough. Of all my readings on how fast tumors grow, there was only one in which a woman wouldn't agree to remove her tumor but did agree to have it measured regularly. They certainly grow quickly when transvected to mice. In 2002, the Women's Health Initiative suggested that taking Prem-Pro actually increased the rate of breast cancers. Many women stopped taking it as soon as they read that.The rate of new breast cancers fell 15% in 2003.This is just in one year. Some thought well maybe less women had mammograms. So if you thought you might have exposed yourself to a possible breast carcinigen, would you choose the next year to skip your mammogram? Causality is a tricky thing. So the authors of the research explain it this way: Prem-pro changes the envirnoment in which already present cells can thrive. It is known that Prem-Pro (and its still just as sinister cousins-bioidenticals)increase breast density. (I always thought this was a good thing-who wants fluffy, saggy breasts) It gives an estrogen-rich environment that if there are tumor cells lying in wait, can begin to thrive.

As for the 2002 study, later it was determined that for women in early menopause, Prem-Pro did NOT increase BC rates as long as it was taken for more than 2-3 years so I believed that and got some. Of course my tumor was estrogen negative but maybe it started out positive.

Finally the issue of DCIS, which is ductal carcinoma in situ i.e. non-invasive cancer cells. There is contraversy on how dangerous these may be. Two schools of thought: they are harmless as they don't have the machinery to invade. They are dangerous cells just caught early. But are the cells different from the ones who managed to invade? No as it turns out. Same bad genes, enzymes, etc. What is different? The environment....maybe. How to keep the environment inhospitable to such invasion? Avoid inflammation? Who knows.

Today will not be a fun day as I will try to work with Naomi concerning many issues. I will need the patience of a saint.

Indoor garden

One of the many aspects about winter I dislike is the lack of flowers. I do have a few in bloom. I've had the azaela for 2.5 years and it blooms several times in the winter. The orchid I received for X-mas; the geraniums I try to save over the winter. Also starting to bloom after no activity for more than a year is the kalanchoe (I have no idea how to spell this-succulent plant with lots of little red, pink or orange flowers). It is relatively warm today (27 deg)and since parts of our neighborhood are school bus routes, they started salting again. A clear path for me. It has not been above freezing here for a long while. I rather run outside than inside. Since I restarted my weight training and stretching program, I am feeling less pain in my arm. This gives me hope that it can't be the dreaded bone mets, which would get worse with time. Still if I reach for something, I get a sharp pain.

I spent a relatively pleasant day with Naomi yesterday. I decided to give her a day in which I don't try to 'fix' her. I have to bite my tongue around her. We went to lunch and then to the movies to see Nine a musical in the style of Chicago (same director) but not nearly as good. But we both loved the costumes, the actors, the glitz and for me, the Italian setting. She then spent hours here doing her boyfriends's laundry to counteract his claim (I'm sure he is right) that she doesn't pull her weight.

Today she called demanding money eroding any good feelings that we had from the day before. She has so far to go towards growing up. I have so much trouble dealing with the disappointment I have in her. We have a lot of things to iron out before her semester resumes next week.

Ice, ice, baby...

This woman needs some hair!

Actually I have almost 4 inches of hair now if I straighten out the curls. Now I am hoping it won't grow so fast as I am beginning to see roots. Fortunately the curls cover up quite a bit. I even have a full set of eyelashes too.

The roads were all slick with ice this morning. I called to see if Josh made it to work safely as he has a 30 mile commute. Shanna made it back to Boston safely yesterday.

I got my Y membership back so icy roads shouldn't stop me from running. I did strength training today for the first time in 3 weeks. My one arm has become increasingly useless. Resting has made it worse. Bicep curls and lat pull downs are increasingly painful. Even sit-ups are difficult because now it hurts to place my hands behind my head. I am hoping that this is some kind of nerve damage. That doesn't sound good but better than what I am very much afraid of.

I was wearing my favorite, cheap t-shirt (cheap is good because it is particularly thin so I won't get too hot exercising) that says "Albergo Firenze'. A nice man came up to ask me about it. Turns out he is married to a woman from Pescara (Abruzzo)Italy and visits Italy often. He was very surprised I ever heard of the town but I was more surprised he heard of the tiny Abbruzziese town I stayed in. He says he speaks a little Italian but can not roll his 'r's due to being born with a high palate. That made me laugh as I have this same high palate though the tongue is supposed to roll right behind his teeth, not on the roof of his mouth like he thought.
One of my kids has this same high palate. My day care provider called me panicked as it appeared to her that the baby had no roof in her mouth. She showed me her own baby who had a low roof. The pediatrician didn't think much of this 'defect' though said that it may impact her speech. Of course, this baby spoke clearly and early. I don't know if she can roll her 'r's though. My other baby can.

Jumping to conclusions

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists, finding traces of 200-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, The Alpena News of Michigan reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his cow pasture near Posen, MI , Stosh, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Stosh has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Michigan had already gone wireless.

The above is not real. All gleaned from a "Michigan Humor" page.

The other day, the Wall Street Journal had a survey of numerous studies to determine if caffeine is detrimental to ones health. Results were mixed. On one hand, caffeine drinkers experienced a lower rate of certain cancers but suffered more heart arrhythmias. Currently in discussion on the TNBC web pages is whether Adriamycin actually contributes anything positive to surviving TNBC. Lots of studies out there that say not really unless one is HER2+. While deciding what poisons to take, I trotted down to the onc with these studies in hand. She said that they may be right but if they are wrong, it would be a bad gamble on my part. Adriamycin can cause heart failure, both acute or chronic. I guess I survived the acute kind-the jury is still out in regards to the chronic.

Snow, snow, snow. After about 12 hours of driving with unhappy babies, they only made it slightly more than halfway back stopping in Syracuse where the lake effect snow was blowing so hard, they could barely see. Today the forecast for eastern NY and all of Massachusetts calls for even more snow and strong winds. The snow doesn't show up well on radar. I kept reporting clear roads to them (as they looked clear according to the Weather Channel) but in reality, the snow was heavy. They haven't resumed their journey yet. I will be relieved when they are home safely.

It is cold and windy again but at least no new snow. I ran in below zero wind chills yesterday-tough against the wind. It was at least sunny. It felt good when I was finished.

And Ms. Naomi continues to be untrustworthy. Without going into details, suffice it to say, she breaks my heart just when I thought she was making some strides towards independence and maturity. Her future is looking bleaker.

A New Year

Shanna's family

Steve and I and the precious ones

Sometime soon (hopefully already as the weather here is temporarily clear) Shanna and her family will make the long drive back. The weather situation in NY is not good but even worse if they head south to the Ohio Turnpike. I didn't get to see them much during the second half of their stay but Ramy has a large family that I had to share with. I will be nervously checking the local conditions until they are safely home. NY and Massachusetts aren't so ready to use salt as they are in Ohio and Michigan (aka Rust Belt). There are salt free zones in the mountains where the curves + hills + ice=danger. The babies are slowly getting over their colds but are crabbier than usual. I wouldn't want to be in that car.

BC (before cancer), my goal was to run at least 100 miles a month. Chemo in the first 3 months of this year made it difficult to run more than a minute at a time. Still I almost hit 1000 miles for the year. I've run the last 3 days down by the river as they try to keep a path clear there. The downside is that if there is a strong east or west wind, it is not too fun half of the time. I am trying to talk myself into going back there today. Yesterday it was 21 with a stiff 20 mph wind. The high today is 16 and I see the trees moving around already.

Over the last few days, I have had friends and family come over at various times. Lots of food including a huge plate of baklava and homemade hummus from Shanna's Syrian in-laws. It has been fun but now I should become serious about bettering myself. How?-not sure but stay tuned.