Watching a friend die

cute bunny hanger I have  on a wall that contains other bunny art

A bit of sadness. Nylon threads were hanging from a basket that I have a bird feeder on. I should have cut them off before this sweet guy got tangled up and died

A belated birthday brunch with Josh and Allie on a rare sunny day. We then went to a playground and then on a hike

All kinds of daffodils out now

A early visitor. They live on fruit alone. In a few weeks this tree will be covered with fruit and the cedar waxwings. Now just blossoms

I have two of these trees. So lacy looking

Some recent visitors although we always have the woodpeckers. Back from their winter travels, hummingbirds, grosbeaks, chipping sparrows, orioles crowned sparrows and various swallows. Gone north are the juncos

or

This week has been hard. My friend was recently hospitalized for the 4th time since October this time for having difficulty breathing and extreme weight loss (and she was bony to begin with) Various scans revealed a huge growth that was not there 3 weeks ago when they xrayed her lungs to see if she had pneumonia. This thing, a type of lymphoma unique (and very rare) to transplant patients is pressing on her heart. Extra bonus, breast cancer has returned too but that would not impact her for months whereas this will suffocate her soon. Could they do something about it? Yes, chemo might work, but she has had it. The other day her daughter and I were trying to convince her to at least try but she was adamant that she would not go through any more chemo though the type they would give her is much more mild than what she had to kill all her bone marrow before she had a transplant. She is remarkably calm about this. Usually she is very high strung. Maybe she is in shock or doesn't believe it. She is going through a list while she has some energy of things that have to be done before she dies.  She is trying to go home as she doesn't want to die in the hospital.

I have been bicycling and running a lot. I've done a fraction of the work I need  fix our yard and gardens up. I have harvested my first crop of asparagus.  My spring birds retuned though a few days later than in the past.  was ready it my feeders for  hummingbirds. They are fun to watch. Two male Baltimore orioles showed up today. While biking the other day, I found a tom turkey all puffed up and fanning though it wasn't clear who is audience was. I wish I took his picture I see turkeys often but rarely in this form.

Today I was attacked by 3 dogs though only one of them wanted to bite me. I was running on a road  usually I'm not on. With all my yelling, the unapologetic owner came out to retrieve them. It didn't bite but was snarling an jumped on me.

The swallows return to the ranch

This large lithograph graces my hallway now

sunny and dry for our Easter egghunt. We used to separate the boys (older) from the girls. Aside from giving Hannah a head start and an egg finding coach. it was each kid for themselves. Allie can keep up with the older kids. Spent some time the night before stuffing eggs.

My Easter birthday. Shanna made a raspberry pavlova for me 

my bird tile complete with a nest of eggs

My father used to have an enormous amethyst geode worth hundreds. Of course that scoundrel squatter left in house after he died ran off with it along with  a lot else. But I did recently buy a sizeable chunk

lots of birthday/Easter flowers Now the orange vase is full of mums and pink roses too

Even some in my crowded guest bathroom

and more in the kitchen

Second grade concert last night. Her triangle playing companion cracks me up. He looks straight out of my elementary school in the 60s

We sit on the porch in the evening with the barn swallows swooping close to our heads. Yep they are back. They like to nest on top of our front door. Still to return are the hummingbirds. I will make nectar tomorrow in anticipation. The chipping sparrows are back too though not the crowned. Weird birds have been finding our yard: turkeys, cranes and ducks. Yes we are surrounded by wetlands full of them all but they usually don't enter our yard.

A lot of my daffodils are in bloom now and there are tiny leaves on the trees. So much less depressing. I ran in shorts today.

We had nearly a week of rain and strong winds. But all was sunny and calm finally on Easter. I was out on the bike as soon as there was a bit of light. I would have biked for hours but I had to prepare brunch for 12 people. It's your birthday Sue! Do you have to be cooking? Well I am much more efficient at it and no one volunteered. More annoying, I had to do most of the considerable clean up. That I would have liked a reprieve from. But I am blessed with the grandbabies who had fun playing and doing the egghunt. I did go out with some of my friends before and after my birthday so that was nice.

I will have some surgery in a few months that hopefully will save me from something awful. I am not afraid of the surgery as much as the recovery. I do hope that it will go much quicker than the 4 weeks it could take. I will give it two days.

Easter Birthday

This is my sister-in-law's photo of Skagit  Valley in NW Washington. Aside from the daffodils here, there are spectacular fields of tulips too. Would love to see them in person. We will be in Holland too late for them. I do have a few frozen daffodils herein Michigan

A vegetable soufflé I made for the Moms. Should have made a sauce as it was sort of dry

The Moms decorating bibs for two new grandbabies, one who popped out 2 days after this photo. Naomi is here too as we had Maya for the weekend and I asked her to be there while I entertained. How long have I had my Danish modern table? 41 years. I think it is the only piece of furniture from our very first house that we still use. It's a bit newer than the 140 year old marble topped chest adjacent to the far right

a glass pretty to add color to the continuing drab

Although we have had a few warm days, winter still continues. I ran through snow yesterday though at least it didn't stick. Endless rain and wind make it difficult to bicycle although I am in good enough shape for the easy riding coming up in Holland and Belgium. Our snowbirds, juncos, are still here. According to the migration map, our hummingbirds are at the Michigan border. One appeared here April 28th last year. I will be ready.

Having a birthday relatively late in the season, makes for few Easter birthdays, though Naomi born on an Easter has had three already. I did have one when I was four which I remember clearly. It was a warm sunny day, unlike most April days cold and wet that we had in the Finger Lakes region of New York. I wore a new pink puffy dress and my mom made a special lamb cake for me decorated with coconut and colored eggs. As she was quite pregnant with my brother, this must have been an effort. But more than 60 years later, I am having another one, a double Easter as the Orthodox one happens to fall on this day too, usually later. How will I celebrate? I will make an Easter brunch and have an Easter egg hunt for 5 of the grandbabies. Some of my friends are taking me out before and after my birthday.

I set all these tasks for myself for the cold winter months when I can't exercise for so long or garden. Sadly not much has been done. I have spent much time learning Dutch. I have run errands for my sick friend. She is ending a relationship with her boyfriend, her principal caretaker so she will need much more help in the future. I went to my cancer survivor cooking class, an emphasis on one pan 'easy' meals. Still lots of slicing and dicing. The local hospital has a farm and hot houses, which generally donates vegetables for us to take home. This month we got bags of fresh spinach, which I later put among other vegetables, in my soufflé for the Moms that I cooked several days later. As it is artichoke season (not here in the tundra)I made the Moms artichokes too. I also experimented with making drinks with elderflower syrup, much more popular abroad than here. It has such a subtle flavor that most additions drown out the flavor. I had fun experimenting at least.

Two of the moms are having grandbabies: a girl and a boy so we decorated presents for them. It was fun.

Tomorrow I go see a doctor finally to deal with lessening my health risks. Ugh. This was a box I wish I had not opened.

Grandpa blue

A belated birthday for Tessa She and her siblings all wear glasses now

We took a walk along the river in Dexter. The boardwalk goes over wetlands. You can see the peepers' airsacs inflate just below us. In the spring here, there is a constant drone of peepers in wet areas. Song sparrows were merrily singing. Finally spring

the town, now a city I see, has numerous sculptures around

another one

it's just water under the bridge

With the app that came with our new car, I can track down where it is.

A warm Sunday. We took this one to the park

my Easter wreathe

A few months back, I went out car shopping with Josh. He wanted last year's model, which would save him about $3K. He could only find two left;  a silver one and a blue one with their plusses  and minuses. When he was explaining to his wife the choices, she said Oh no, is it Grandpa Blue? Apparently this dusky bluish gray only appeals to people of a certain age. And indeed it does. Shortly after a good friend ( a grandma) bought the same color. And Steve upon seeing it said was the best color by far.

We were down to one car, a situation I found intolerable as we are out in the country. Steve thought we could hold out until the fall (when presumably prices fall and the model we wanted would be improved) I feel insecure relying on a 9 year old car. And although Steve doesn't have a heavy schedule, we managed to need the car at the same time last week. So he had to drop me off and later come pick me up. About twenty extra miles of driving. And I like to travel particularly in the summer but I really can't leave him stranded. In a 6 week period, Naomi managed to total 2 cars, not her fault. She had purchased Josh's not so old car, a considerable upgrade for her. And she could give him more than the dealer would so win-win. Until some lady ran a red light into her The insurance did pay her more than she had paid for the car but what could she buy? We sold her one of our cars, a car that we had sort of promised to sell to  her ex husband in the fall leaving us down to one car.

I really didn't want to wait so last week, we went car shopping. Not difficult as we get a considerable discount at my son's company so there is no negotiation.. As no one wants sedans anymore (do they think gas is always going to be cheap?), they are discounted still. We were left to decide between a hybrid and a traditional engine and colors. We could get a silver traditional engine (not desirable by us at a deeper discount0 or get a hybrid in any color we wanted. So Grandpa Blue it is . The hybrid will take 4-5 years of driving to make up the cost difference but at least we are polluting a bit less. And if gas goes sky high, we'll make up the difference even quicker.

I continue to learn Dutch, which is becoming more difficult. Crazy, crazy grammar. In 6 weeks I will be biking in the Netherlands. And it is it is warm outside. So bicycling is easy (except for a day I went out in 30 mph gusts, not fun) and more running. Some of my flowers are out. We can sit outside in the evening with wine. Hope winter is gone for good.

Sugar and cancer

My fused glass horse. Sort of pricy but still a fraction of its original cost

interesting sculpture in a Dexter alley

Last night I went to Dexter, where I haven't been in a while. As Dexter was fairly close to my grandparent's place, I visited it a lot as a child even when I was still living in New York. The Dairy Queen and this bakery are still here. In college on, I would bike to Dexter and back either stopping for an apple fritter here or a malt or the nearby Dairy Queen. Isn't a wonder I had cancer? During my marathon days, I would run to Dexter and back, 20 miles for training runs and I usually did the Dexter Ann Arbor half Marathon. Later Josh and his ex-wife moved here. His ex had a puppy boutique across the street from this photo where Naomi worked. But Josh and I have since moved further away so no more Dexter.

Sugar and its closely related high glycemic starches (think potatoes) are the new dietary villains versus fat, which gram for gram has more calories. Sugar consumption in the US (and probably elewhere) especially in the form of 'high fructose cornsyrup" has gone way up leading to increased obesity and diabetes. Also certain cancers are occurring sooner and more frequently than in the past. 

Not long ago (Oct 2018) there was a symposium in NYC hosted by the Cornell Medical School and its associated hospital New York Presbyterian entitled Not so sweet: The hidden Cancer Risk of Sugar and Inflammation.  The premise is as follows: eating sugar increases blood glucose levels which triggers insulin production in the pancreas  An enzymeP13K produces a lipid PIP3 that moves the insulin and glucose to be used in the liver and muscles. However if levels are too high, PIP3 can cause cancer itself. If there is any tiny tumor in the body and if there is a genetic mutation in the PIP3 pathway, the glucose will be driven into the tumor, not the muscle. Tumors take up more sugar than normal cells enabling them to be visualized by PET scans, which use a labelled sugar to visual where the sugar goes. Tumors especially vulnerable to this pathway are uterine, breast, colon, ovarian  and bladder. There are drugs such as metformin used for diabetics that lower glucose levels.

Excess body fat also triggers certain cancers in several ways. First fat cells produce estrogen which feeds hormone dependent cancers such as breast and uterine. But it can also trigger inflammatory processes. Enlarged fat cells outstrip their oxygen supply and die.setting off release of cytokines which lead to more inflammation. Even people who have chronic inflammatory conditions such as H. pylori are much more susceptible to cancer.

What to eat then? Certainly not sugary and starchy stuff. If one is hungry, high fat nuts and cheese will satisfy hunger for longer. We do need the vitamins that are in certain starches and fruits. It is suggested eating only slow glucose starches such as oats and that whole fruit paired with fat such as whole milk yogurt or cheese. Also high fructose corn syrup alters the flora in the gut in ways more conductive to cancer. Colon cancer has suddenly become more common among the young. Could it co-incide with the introduction of high fructose corn syrup?

Do doctors ever tell their patients to lose weight if they don't want cancer. Not mine. When I was diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago, I was overweight. I had broken my arm the year before which could not be set, so I could not exercise at all leading to a big weight gain. . Also for menopause I was taking Prem-pro which I found out later that my body lacks the enzyme to metabolize estrogen leading to high blood levels of estrogen, food initially for breast tumors. My cancer morphed into a non hormone dependent type.

Two and a half years ago, I decided to do something about being fat. Aside from not looking good, there are numerous health risks with being obese. I am most afraid of my cancer returning. Recent events have made that fear more intense. I did drop almost 80 pounds in a year. I have gained about 4 of it back and that will be gone in a month. I still fit into my size 4s though right now they are annoyingly snug.  I didn't eat much sugar but I did have a weakness for carbohydrates such as pasta, bagels, crackers. For a year, I hardly ate any of them. I did eat nuts and cheese even though they have more calories. I did not count calories. Hardest was limiting my wine intake. I allowed myself one glass for social occasions. Now I am back to drinking too much. Need to stop that. I filled up with fruit and vegetables. For protein, I would make a big veggie omelet (I have a garden) though eggs again are some sort of villain. My cholesterol and triglyceride levels are low or normal.. I do eat lean meat occasionally and tofu (estrogen!!!). I have a weakness for expensive chocolate and will eat it hoping its high fat moderates its sugar. I also exercise at least an hour a day if not 90 minutes. In warm months, I will be biking for more than 2 hours so it is easier to be thin in the summer. Still I surprised myself and others that I was able to lose the weight without drugs (unless you count coffee, sometimes if I felt especially hungry between meals, some coffee would satisfy me) or having my stomach stapled (which chunky as I was, I still wasn't considered obese and not a candidate not that I would as in the long run it causes health problems and people gain the weight back). I regularly train with weights to keep my muscle mass high.

Spring is finally here (sort of..tomorrow back to coldness cancelling a hoped for bike ride). One night this week, it was actually 67! and a friend and I were able to sit outside with wine (too much!) In the past 2 weeks I've biked 80 miles. In the wetlands, I hear the peepers. The cranes and vultures are back. The goldfinches are getting their breeding colors. Some people have crocuses in bloom though I must live in a colder zone but I am sure they will come out next week. This winter has been especially tough and I do look forward to being in the sun.

My friend is back in the hospital initially unable to move even when on oxygen. She has influenza A despite having a flu vaccine. Presumably a flu vaccine is considered effective if it protects 60% of those who get it which sounds low to me. I get the shots yearly. I've had the flu only once and that was well before vaccines so I am either lucky or have a strong immune system. When I saw her a few days ago, she finally was able to walk a few feet without collasping. I will help her next week at home when she is released. I will whine (to myself) how long it takes me now to do my 6 mile run versus when I would place high in my age group doing races in the past but not being able to walk because of non-functioning lungs puts things in perspective

tornado warning

Our outing to the Purple Rose. Why do I look so damn big?

This has been in Ann Arbor forever Have I ever been there? Not until yesterday. Signature dish: hippie hash

Shanna's mother in law's orthodox church back in Syria  Very old.   Christianity spread there first, not to Europe

these are my northern lights night light that I put up in my hall. Different light patterns slowly emerge. Would love to put it in my bedroom but my light sensitive husband who has already removed additional lights I put up so I don't stumble at night would object

my mom's dad. I don't believe I ever heard him speak as Parkinson's made that impossible

This has not been a good week. On Xmas eve, a heard of deer ran into Naomi's car totalling it. The insurance gave her enough money to buy Josh's car, a considerable upgrade for her so that worked out. She had this car only for 5 weeks before a car ran a red light into her. Fortunately lots of witnesses came forward to prove it was not her fault (but it wouldn't have hurt to look before going into an intersection..she claims the car came out of nowhere) Lots of damage. Will they total this car too? We know the estimate but what will they give her. At the very least it will take 3 weeks to fix and she has our extra car so our mobility is somewhat reduced. I had thought about taking a trip somewhere without Steve but that is now out.

It was almost 7 years to the day that the Dexter tornado hit swirling over Josh's house. He chose to outrun it, not a good idea. It hit the subdivision just north of him reducing several houses to piles of lumber. He had almost bought one of those houses but I could tell they were shoddily built. As it turns out, the framing was not connected to the foundation as it should have been so that's why they so easily collasped. No one was hurt but some were trapped in their basements for a  while. His trees were covered with pink insulation from the destruction. Looked like cotton candy. I was away in Massachusetts for the month waiting for Tessa.

The other night I get a call from Naomi who just had gotten a message on her phone  to take cover immediately as there was a tornado 'in the area' Sirens screeching all  over the place. But what does 'in the area' mean? In the same county which in her case was 25 miles away. Where was this tornado? Scheduled to hit approximately where I was with the Moms on one of their farms. She has lots of windows so we could see lightning and hail all over the place. My former hairdresser, five miles away from the farm, claimed to see the funnel cloud. We lost power for awhile. At the same time, we were to go see a play in town about 15 minutes away. The playhouse said the performance would be delayed and  that all the patrons who got there early were huddled in the basement. It would not have been a good idea to drive there in the storm but eventually there was a lull in the action so we got to the play. We missed the first 5-10 minutes of it.

I kept waiting for March. I have old photos showing all my crocuses in bloom by now. That didn't happen yet. There is a thin, slippery layer of snow on the ground. I am waiting impatiently for it to melt. Back  in the year of the Dexter tornado, magnolia and cherry blossoms were in bloom now due to the early warming. But April came and all the fruit blossoms froze wrecking Michigan's fruit crops. Peaches managed to survive.

After the weather cancelling February's classes, I went to the cooking class the other day. Healthy breakfasts. Hope my 'healthy' eating delays this dreaded thing from coming back

Orchids versus dandelions

One of my friend's creations. She invited me over for a fancy lunch last week that she spent much effort preparing. She is quite talented but I feel guilty that she does so much work when she has very limited energy

My daughter and her daughter

I bought this homemade paper collage

and this stylized kitty

and this silver and abalone ring

My mom would have turned 92 yesterday if it were not for Alzheimer's

According to a podcast I listened to in the middle of the night, kids according to pediatrician and behavioral psychologist Dr. Thomas Boyce kids can be divided into two, not equal groups: dandelions and orchids. Dandelions are common and will thrive in about any condition whereas orchids are rare, very sensitive but also very special. By administering a few simple very mildly stressful tests, the kids can easily be distinguished from each other. How to raise your ultra sensitive orchid? With a lot of care. Lots of set routines and comforts as orchids adjust poorly to new situations. Hmmm. My gut feeling would be to help these orchids adjust. I've run across too many adult orchids.

Orchids definitely would not have lasted long in my childhood house.  All I will say about that is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I was counting down the days until I could be on by own.

It seems that orchids are becoming much more common these days. Someone calls child protection services because a nine year old girl was allowed to walk her dog around the block (in a 'good' neighborhood). I walked a few blocks to kindergarten by myself. My kids usually went in groups to a school that was almost a mile away. I didn't worry about abductions, just the nature pond that Josh loved to break the ice on. Now the woods they crossed through has a deer culling program in the winter. There are signs for the kids not to cut through (and walk considerably further) but do they pay attention? although judging from the parking lot when I pick up Maya, no kid seems to walk anymore.

Winter may be finally disappearing though I had to wait for the strong sun to melt a path in the bit of snow that fell last night on the bike path and it was a not so toasty 20 degrees. For the three days prior, I worked out on our elliptical machine, boring but my heart rate goes even higher than running so I guess I am getting a workout. Plus I lift weights.

Still learning Dutch. In Spanish, there are two verbs meaning to be (estar and ser). One describes a temporary state of being such as I am happy. The other is a more permanent state of being such as I am tall.  This could be tricky as what verb do you use to describe a generally happy baby, not just one that is happy for the moment? Well Dutch doesn't seem to have temporary and permanent states of being but they have a new one for me: positional states of being. Words aren't just on a page, they stand on a page. Amsterdam just isn't in the Netherlands, it lies in the Netherlands. And you are not just in prison, you sit in prison. Sometimes it is tricky deciding if an object is sitting, standing or laying. Flat objects lie, vertical stand and things inside sit but balls are tricky. And the language isn't so pretty. Van Gogh sounds like one is expelling mucus from ones throat. Some of the words sound obscene as Ik hoor het vaak. (I hear it often). Hopefully keeping all these rules straight will keep me mentally alert longer.

The other day I was helping Maya with her homework which was to write a letter to her principal to persuade her to give kids more recess.

But I don't want more recess. I stand outside freezing just waiting for the bell to ring so I can go inside where it is warm.

But lets pretend it is warm out and actually have fun outside. What would the advantages be?

So hard.